tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55129742524212155662024-03-13T15:00:40.081-05:00Smart Ass CrippleExpressing pain through sarcasm since 2010. Welcome to the official site for bitter cripples (and those who love them). Smart Ass Cripple has been voted World's Biggest Smart Ass by J.D. Power and Associates.Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.comBlogger663125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-90955547546698563152024-03-08T22:10:00.000-06:002024-03-08T22:10:14.976-06:00The Patriarchy in Crippledom<p> <span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Far be it from me to do anything to affirm the patriarchy. But since I always have been and always will be a cripple, I’m glad I’m a man. Having been born with a penis definitely gives you a good head start when you’re a cripple.</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-de901155-7fff-6178-8628-aed8b0f36608"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">There is a distinct patriarchy in crippledom that grants advantages and privileges to those of us that just so happen to have a penis. And I know I’ve benefited greatly from that. But hey, don’t yell at me about it. I didn’t make it that way. God did. It’s just the natural order of things.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Because one of the biggest challenges you face when you’re crippled is taking a piss. Some cripples have to catheterize themselves when they have to take a piss but it’s still daunting even for those of us who piss the regular way because we can’t just step up to the bowl or sit on it and let ‘er rip.Thus, taking a piss can be a major undertaking for me but I’m still far more fortunate than many others because I have a penis that still functions in all of the ways the good Lord intended it to so I can just whip it out and piss into a jar or something, from the comfort of my wheelchair. It would be ten times more daunting if I had to transfer from my wheelchair onto a toilet several times a day just to take a piss, especially if I needed someone to help me do that. I’d probably be much more inclined than I already am to look for ways to help me hold it. I’d probably take up yoga or meditation or something. But one can only hold it for so long.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">And I’m also really glad that I’m okay with always remaining a man. If I was one of those men who wants to become a woman, I would have a hard time going through with accomplishing that goal completely. Because I’m a cripple, I’d be very hesitant to part ways with my penis. It’s the source of my greatest privilege. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I’m not about to transfer to the toilet every time I have to take a piss just to be in solidarity with cripples who are less fortunate than I am. I might consider doing that if I thought it would do some good, but I don’t see where it could.</span></p><div><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span class="Heading2Char" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p><div><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;"><br /></span></b></div></span></div></span>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-37541407214888564072024-02-26T21:49:00.000-06:002024-02-26T21:49:07.317-06:00Benji the Smuggler <p> <span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; white-space-collapse: preserve;">The meal I got from the rib shack included a slice of that cheap, white Wonder bread, which was as dry as eating cotton. But the meal wouldn’t have been complete without it.</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-d37c716c-7fff-c483-aafb-39dce344e840"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Taking a bite of that bread made me think of Benji the Smuggler and that made me feel regret. Because Beni the Smuggler was the evening janitor at the state-operated boarding school for cripples I attended as a teenager. I call it the Sam Houston Institute of Technology (SHIT).</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I graduated from SHIT 50 years ago so I imagine Benji the Smuggler is dead by now. And that's why the piece of Wonder bread made me feel regret because I suddenly realized that I probably never told Benji how he helped me get through my days at SHIT and how much I appreciate it. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Because the food at SHIT was usually shit. And even if it wasn't, they served us dinner, the last meal of the day, at 4:30 in the fucking afternoon! So by 7:30 or so you were ready to gnaw your foot off.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Benji went to a place he called the Chicken Shack all the time on his lunch break. So quite often one the inmates would come up to him on the sly and say, </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><br /></span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Hey Benji. Can you go get me something from the Chicken Shack?”</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Benji would grumble and say, “You all are gonna get me fired.”</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Benji was right to be worried about that. Some inmates, like me, were put on diets the day we began serving time at SHIT. Being perceived as an accomplice to us in blowing our calorie counts for the day might be grounds enough for Benji to be fired. But even bringing in food for those of us that weren’t on diets might have been considered to be inappropriate fraternization with the inmates,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">But for some reason, Benji always took the risk. After he grumbled, he’d come up to us on the sly and take our orders. And he’d return from his lunch break with our food shoved up under his zipped coat, like a smuggler.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">The fried chicken came in a small, rectangular box made of thin cardboard, just like my meal from the rib shack. And always accompanying it was a slice of that cheap, white Wonder bread, that was as dry as eating cotton. But it was all quite delicious to me at the time. Benji the Smuggler really helped me survive adolescence and become what I became, because otherwise I might have starved to death at SHIT.</span></p><div><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span class="Heading2Char" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p><div><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;"><br /></span></b></div></span></div></span>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-80792371685034626262024-02-13T13:06:00.000-06:002024-02-13T13:06:56.511-06:00Cripples as Good Luck Charms<p> <span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I never wanted to be one of those mascot cripples.</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-f8e6befa-7fff-cf02-ba46-20b6f765fc1a"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">You know what those are. They hang around some kind of team, usually a sports team. And the players and coaches let them hang around like they’re part of the team except they’re not really part of the team. The coach would never put them in a real game because, well, they're not athletes. If a coach puts a cripple in a real game that cripple would probably get killed and that would be a public relations nightmare.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I always thought that mascot cripples sent a bad message about being crippled to verts (which is what I call people who walk because it’s short for vertical). But I wasn’t exactly sure what that bad message was. Maybe the problem was that mascot cripples were supposed to “inspire” the players by reminding them that they should be grateful that they’re not crippled.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">But I felt like there must be more to it <span style="background-color: white;">than that so I looked up the word mascot in the dictionary and it said, “</span></span><span face="Roboto, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #040c28; font-size: 15pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">A person, animal, or object adopted by a group as a symbolic figure especially to bring them good luck</span><span face="Roboto, sans-serif" style="color: #202124; font-size: 15pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="background-color: white;">.</span>”</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Roboto, sans-serif" style="color: #202124; font-size: 15pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I think it was the good luck part that never sat well with me. Because sometimes verts see cripples as a good luck charm, like a rabbit's foot. I don’t know what sort of good luck we’re supposed to bring. Maybe it all goes back to that stuff about us making them feel lucky that they’re not crippled.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Roboto, sans-serif" style="color: #202124; font-size: 15pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Whatever it is, I don’t want anybody rubbing my head for good luck.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span class="Heading2Char" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p><div><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;"><br /></span></b></div></span>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-40368766642029939722024-01-30T19:10:00.001-06:002024-02-13T12:37:18.192-06:00Dating While Crippled<p> <span style="font-size: 13pt; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Nowadays there are online dating sites for cripples, where cripples can go to meet other cripples. Or at least that’s how it’s supposed to work. I don’t reckon there’s any enforcement mechanism in place to prevent interloping by verts (which is what I call people who walk because it’s short for vertical). I don’t reckon you need to furnish a doctor’s note or anything like that to be able to join.</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-7d1420cc-7fff-29ad-0ef5-103d4d23e9d4"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I can see the appeal of a site like this to some cripples. Trying to date verts can be inviting a lot of rejection because a lot of verts don't think cripples can be sexy.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">There were no sites like this around back in the days when I was dating. (There weren’t that many dating websites at all back then because it was before the internet was omnipresent.) But even if there had been, I don’t think I would have signed up. My approach to dating was to cast a broad net because you never know. I was open to considering any woman who was a consenting adult and not a republican.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I probably would have thought that limiting myself to cripples offered no guarantee that dating wouldn’t turn painful. A lot of cripples seem like they don’t think cripples can be sexy either. A lot of cripples seem like they’ll only date verts. I find that to be rather sad. I feel like they’re trying to prove something to themselves and\or the rest of the world by demonstrating that they can snag a vert.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"> But then again, a cripple like that would never sign up for a cripples-only dating site so maybe if I'm cruising that website at least I can feel confident that I’m in a place where everybody thinks cripples can be sexy.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It’s true that both women I’ve married have been crippled. But that’s not why I married them, nor do I think my being crippled was why they married me back.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I believe they were both the type of women who would think cripples can be sexy, even if they had been verts. There are some verts who are like that. And if I was exclusively cruising a cripples-only dating site, I’d be worried that I might be missing out on something.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I’m just glad I don’t have to worry about stuff like that anymore.</span></p><div><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span class="Heading2Char" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p><div><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;"><br /></span></b></div></span></div></span>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-46686336935594319162024-01-19T16:48:00.000-06:002024-01-19T16:48:49.529-06:00The Battle of Cripple Creek <p> <span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It took some doing. The people of Cripple Creek did not want to change. But in the face of relentless protests, they finally capitulated.</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-d52e89bf-7fff-cfe7-ca1b-0d150e7864c3"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">The protesters were a pack of wheelchair people, blind people and people who walked using crutches, with some Down Syndrome people and epileptics mixed in. They called themselves The Campaign to Abolish the “C” Word. And they descended upon Cripple Creek with but one goal in mind: to get them to change their offensive name.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Their opening salvo was a press conference which was held outside City Hall in Cripple Creek. Several protesters spoke of how they were teased as children by other children who called them the “c” word. They demanded that the name Cripple Creek be changed to something more dignified.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">But the mayor of Cripple Creek balked. He said the name Cripple Creek was bestowed upon the beloved and nurturing creek by the first settlers who came to the area generations ago and that it endures as a symbol of the proud heritage of the citizens who have built the namesake town that sprang up around the creek. He accused the protesters of all being “outside agitators.” The Cripple Creek Chamber of Commerce also balked. The chairman said it would “wreak havoc” upon the local economy to have to change the name of Cripple Creek Boulevard, Cripple Creek High School, Cripple Creek Savings and Loan, the Cripple Creek Diner and the Cripple Creek Nursing Home, just to name a few examples..</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Public opinion was decidedly against the protesters. Townspeople spat upon them and called them terrorists.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">So the protesters adopted more aggressive tactics. They put into play their "kamikaze” strategy, in which they jumped one by one off of the Cripple Creek bridge into Cripple Creek itself. Those that couldn’t swim drown.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">This drew media attention around the world and forced the town council to hold an emergency meeting. A resolution was put forth to “modernize” the name of the town and the creek itself to something “not offensive and dignified “ The resolution passed, even though the townspeople who packed the gallery jeered and someone held up a sign that said Over My Dead Body.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">And that’s why Cripple Creek is now called Person Who is Differently Abled Creek.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span class="Heading2Char" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p><div><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;"><br /></span></b></div><div><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><br /></span></div></span>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-53678954981048853752024-01-08T18:28:00.002-06:002024-01-08T18:28:28.650-06:00Big Cripple on Campus<p> <span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13pt; white-space-collapse: preserve;">John the paraplegic was the big cripple on campus at the state operated boarding school for cripples that I attended in the 1970s (which I refer to as the Sam Houston Institute of Technology or SHIT).</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-c4a89b25-7fff-bf84-ea8b-12c59a169ecc"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Actually, John was more like the vice big cripple on campus. The actual big cripple on campus was Ron the paraplegic. Paras usually have muscular upper bodies because they push a wheelchair all day. You had to be that kind of cripple in order to be the big cripple on campus at SHIT. There was no election to obtain this most prestigious status. An unspoken consensus developed among the SHIT inmates as to who was the big cripple on campus, based on which cripple we all felt could beat the other cripples asses. (It was pretty much the same way a wolf pack determines its hierarchy.) And since Ron was even more muscular than John, everyone figured that he could beat John’s crippled ass, too.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">But this cataclysmic clash of the titans was never likely to occur because Ron was a much more peaceful guy who didn’t seem too interested in fighting. If John was to challenge him to a duel, Ron would probably just chuckle, yield the title and roll away.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">John, on the other hand, was much more of a boisterous bully. He acted like he was looking for a good excuse to beat everybody’s ass. One day I saw him with a silver ring on his finger and I feared that meant that he was setting me up for an ass beating. Because it looked exactly like my ring that had recently come up missing.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">So I went up to John's table in the mess hall, very sheepishly, and told him that appeared to be my missing ring.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">John said, “Man, I didn’t steal no ring! This is my ring!” He continued eating, acting like I wasn’t even there. I interpreted that as his way of telling me to either go away or get my ass beat. So I went away.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">When I told my mother about all of this, she was livid. She told me to point out to her which cripple was John the next time she went to SHIT and she would rip the ring off of his finger.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">But I never did that because the only fate worse than an ass beating was being shunned by the other SHIT inmates for being a snitch,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I haven’t seen John since I graduated from SHIT nearly 50 years ago. But he didn’t end up with much in terms of spoils. It was a cheap ring. It probably turned his finger green. The red jewel atop the ring was probably a hunk of plastic.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">If I ever run into a crippled old man with one arm, I’ll figure that must be John. I’ll figure my ring must’ve turned his whole arm green and he had to have it amputated. </span></p><div><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></div></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span class="Heading2Char" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p><div><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;"><br /></span></b></div>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-32953680366616590422023-12-27T23:05:00.000-06:002023-12-27T23:05:17.997-06:00Reasonable Cripple Accommodation<p> <span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I ought to be legally allowed to run around naked in public, And it ought to be socially acceptable for me to smell like a horse.</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-a3b07a95-7fff-19cf-7d2a-5f57c394cd49"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">These rights and privileges ought to be bestowed upon me because I’m crippled. And being crippled makes it difficult for me to do a lot of the routine, daily tasks that are taken for granted by verts (which is what I call people who walk because it’s short for vertical). Take, for example, getting dressed. For your average vert, getting dressed is a simple matter of pulling on your pants. But not for me. Nope, I have to have someone come in every morning and pull my pants on me, get me out of bed, etc. I call the people that I've hired to do these things for me my pit crew. Their wages are paid by state funds.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">So some days I feel like things would go a lot easier if I didn’t have to wear pants at all. After all, when you think about it, what’s the point of wearing clothes? I'm not a nudist at heart. And I can certainly understand putting on clothes in order to be warm. But besides that, the reason we wear clothes is to hide our genitalia. And why is that such a big deal?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">But I capitulate and wear pants every day anyway because I don’t want to get arrested. But I sure would love it if I could reserve the right to go about my business pantsless on a given day if I saw fit. I could carry around a note from my doctor certifying me as crippled in case a cop sees me running around naked and pulls me over, demanding to see my papers.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">The same goes for taking a shower. That’s a big undertaking for me, too, because I also have to have one of my pit crew guys help me do that. It sure would be nice if I could shower twice a month or so. But I don’t because if I do I’ll smell like a horse and that’s not a good way to make friends. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Going pantsless and smelling like a horse could be considered to be a reasonable cripple accommodation for me. But I’ll never advocate for these changes in public policy because it might blow up in my face. You know how lawmakers are. They’re always looking for a way to save a buck. They might really like that idea and they’ll just change the law to allow certain cripples to run around not wearing pants and smelling like horses so they can cut off the money they use to pay people to be on our pit crews.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">So if you know any lawmakers, don’t say a word about this.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span class="Heading2Char" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p><div><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><br /></span></div></span>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-32043382663816103222023-12-16T14:20:00.008-06:002023-12-16T14:20:54.531-06:00Why I Will Never Wear a Toupee or The Cyrano de Bergerac Game<p> <span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; white-space-collapse: preserve;">A long time ago I made a solemn vow to myself that I would never wear a toupee. I also swore that if I ever was going bald or if my hair was turning gray I would do nothing to conceal it. I would never spend a dime on baldness cures, hair-restoration treatments or dyes. The people who sell that stuff are just trying to shame you into buying their stuff.</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-fba763e0-7fff-c394-f8db-9bcae5ad8950"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I believe my strong conviction to these principles arises from the fact that I have been crippled for so long and cripples often have to play the Cyrano de Bergerac game. It's so tiresome. Cripples who have been involved in the dating scene probably know damn well what I mean by all this. It has to be tempting to put up a picture of somebody that’s hot and hide behind it until such time as you feel confident that the object of your desire is so smitten with you that no matter what surprises you reveal later they won’t be deterred.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">The same thing often happens to cripples who are looking for a job or whatever. You wonder at what point you should spring it on them that you are crippled. But playing that game is much too stressful for me. I’d rather let people know right up front that I am crippled because if knowing that I am crippled is a deal-breaker for them, that’s good for me to know right up front. Because knowing that they are that kind of person is a deal-breaker for me.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">The same thing goes for being bald. You can’t keep wearing a toupee everywhere and forever. Sooner or later you’ll have to take it off and it won’t be a secret anymore that you are bald. And you shouldn’t be ashamed about being bald anymore than I should be ashamed about being crippled.</span></p><div><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span class="Heading2Char" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p></span></div></span>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-35268037031715003922023-12-08T13:59:00.000-06:002023-12-08T13:59:02.690-06:00Cripple Parking Encounters <p> <span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; white-space-collapse: preserve;">A yellow taxi cab was parked in the parking space that is reserved for cripples. I figured he didn’t belong there since I’ve never known there to be a cab driver who was crippled enough to need a reserved parking space.</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-8fc6f844-7fff-80ad-a191-68e3d7d2df6a"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">A man sat in the driver seat. So the person who was with me got out of my vehicle and tapped on the cab’s window. The cab driver eventually turned his head to look at him, reluctantly and resentfully. My guy asked him to move, through the closed window, and explained to him that I had a genuine cripple van with genuine cripple license plates and all and I really needed to park there.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">The cab driver reached down and pulled out a cripple parking placard and hung it on the cab’s rearview mirror. He then went back to trying to ignore my guy. Right then the car that occupied the other cripple parking space left so we just pulled into that one. But after I exited my vehicle I gave the cab driver the searing, icy, guilt-inducing stare I save for special occasions like this.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">This guy clearly seemed to be one of those guys who commandeers his grandma’s parking placard whenever he goes out and stashes it in his glove box, just in case. I usually give people a big benefit of the doubt about that because I know there are a lot of people who are really and truly crippled who don’t look crippled at all. But this guy sure looked like the shoe fit him just right.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Believe it or not, this was not the most memorable encounter I’ve ever had with a douchebag hogging up a cripple parking space. It still doesn’t beat the time there was a pick up truck parked in a cripple space. The truck didn’t have a cripple license plate or parking placard or anything. Then a guy walked up to the truck. He sure didn’t look crippled but, like I said, you never know. As I shot him my stare, the guy got into the truck, opened the glove box, took out a placard, rolled down the window and said to me, “I’m a black man in America. I was born with one of these.”</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">The yellow cab was gone and the parking space was empty when we returned to my vehicle. Maybe my guilt-inducing stare worked.</span></p><div><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span class="Heading2Char" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt; white-space-collapse: collapse;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p></span></div></span>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-27623229619716421242023-11-29T14:13:00.000-06:002023-11-29T14:13:00.836-06:00Misery Loves Company <span id="docs-internal-guid-a0641416-7fff-a909-b11f-be4627df31de"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I don’t understand how some people who have suffered feel better when someone else suffers the same way they did.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I hear a lot of that kind of nonsense when people talk about student debt loan forgiveness. Some people say stuff like, “Hey, no one forgave my college loan debt. I had to work three jobs to pay it off so they should, too!”</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Let me say here that I never had a college loan debt to pay off. The cost of my college education was paid in full by the state of Illinois as part of the vocational rehabilitation program.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Maybe if I had to pay off a college loan debt I’d feel differently. But I sure as hell hope I wouldn’t. It reminds me of the time a few decades back when I was involved in the fight to make public transportation in Chicago accessible for cripples. We eventually won, but suppose some old timer cripple had come around back then and said, “We shouldn’t make the buses accessible because I couldn’t ride them back in my day so they should never be able to either." Thank God nothing like that ever happened because no one was that much of a dumbass. If the cripples of today were still just as stranded as we were, I don’t see how that would make me feel any better.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Hell, I never even get involved in diagnosis-specific cripple causes because I’m too susceptible to survivor guilt. I’m interested in doing stuff that makes life better for all cripples, not just those who are crippled for a certain reason, like they have muscular dystrophy or a spinal cord injury or whatever. Imagine if a few decades back when I was involved in the fight to make public transportation in Chicago accessible for cripples we were fighting to only make public transportation in Chicago accessible for cripples with a certain diagnosis. If I was riding a bus that was blowing past other cripples, I’d feel like shit about it. It would take all the fun out of winning.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 13pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">We might’ve all had to carry around a notarized doctor’s note verifying that we were indeed the type of cripple that was officially authorized to ride public transportation That would’ve really sucked.</span></p></span><p> (Please <b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span class="Heading2Char" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-87874097340918837722023-11-18T16:17:00.000-06:002023-11-18T16:17:06.943-06:00Name that Cripple <p> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">I always thought that there
ought to be a game show called Name that Cripple. It would surely become a craze
that would sweep the nation.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">All we’d have to do is line
up three wheelchair cripples right next to each
other on a street corner somewhere. The three cripples would be of the same age
and race and gender and all so they’d all look pretty much alike. But one<span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56"> of
the cripples</ins></span> would have something like muscular dystrophy <span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">and</ins></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 17.3333px; text-decoration-line: underline;"> </span><span class="msoIns" style="font-size: 13pt;"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56"> the second</ins></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"> would have </span><span class="msoIns" style="font-size: 13pt;"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">something completely
different like </ins></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">cerebral palsy and the third </span><span class="msoIns" style="font-size: 13pt;"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">one </ins></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">would
be your standard quadriplegic from a spinal cord injury.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">The emcee </ins></span>would
<span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">stop random</ins></span> passersby who are verts
(which is what I call people who walk because it’s short for vertical). And <span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">if
a</ins></span> vert<span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56"> agrees</ins></span> to play Name that Cripple, <span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">the
emcee</ins></span> <span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">give</ins></span>s them three <span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">blank </ins></span>cardboard
placards<span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56"> and a marking pen. And each</ins></span> placard
would be attached<span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56"> to</ins></span> a string <span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">and</ins></span> the
vert contestant <span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">would</ins></span> write something like muscular
dystrophy on the placard and hang it around the neck of <span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">whichever one</ins></span>
they <span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">thought to </ins></span>be the corresponding
cripple.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">And if a</ins></span>
vert contestant gets all three right, they win a valuable <span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></ins></span>prize, such as a lovely new
dining room set from Broyhill. But <span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">nobody will</ins></span>
ever <span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">get all three right</ins></span> because it never
fails that the average vert on the street can’t tell the difference between <span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">a
c.p. </ins></span>cripple and an m.d. cripple and a quad<span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">. They can’t tell the
cripples apart without a scorecard</ins></span>.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">This always baffles me
because if <span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">I </ins></span>played Name that Cripple <span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">I’d</ins></span>
be the grand champion. I can identify a cripple’s genre from a mile away. If I
was looking down from a helicopter on a field of cripples<span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">,</ins></span> I
could rattle<span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56"> off in no time</ins></span> which <span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">one
</ins></span>was which. <span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think the
differences between us are bloody obvious.</ins></span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56">But that’s probably
because I’ve spent so many years hanging around with such a wide variety of
cripples that I’ve developed a keen eye.</ins></span> I don’t think I can say
the same about anything else. If I was looking down from a helicopter on a
field of cows, for example, they would all just look like a bunch of cows to
me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">But when it comes to
cripples, I can look at a parking lot full of empty cars and tell you which car
belongs to a cripple and which one doesn’t. Like for instance, if it’s a fancy
sports car, it’s probably not a cripple car. I never see cripples driving or
even riding around in fancy sports cars, probably because doing so is too much
of a pain in the ass, what with the bucket seats and all. Or maybe it’s because
fancy sports cars are too expensive for most cripples.<span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Michael%20Ervin" datetime="2023-11-18T14:56"><o:p></o:p></ins></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span class="Heading2Char" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; orphans: 2; tab-stops: 328.2pt; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-69474963811423393492023-11-08T13:19:00.000-06:002023-11-08T13:19:21.366-06:00Self-Diagnosed Autism<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Recent research shows that
the prevalence of autism among people age 18 and over who are on Medicaid
doubled between 2011 and 2019.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">I wonder if this includes
people with that new strain of autism that’s been going around lately. I call
it SDA, which stands for self-diagnosed autism.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">I notice that there seem to
be more and more people running around claiming to be autistic. But they seem
like regular folks.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">This seems like a triumph of
marketing. Because in recent years, we’ve developed a much better understanding
of autism, which is a good thing. When I was a kid, autistic people were
considered to be hopelessly oblivious and so we segregated them away in
institutions so we wouldn’t have to be bothered with trying to figure them out.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">But now, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>autism is viewed as a spectrum with a lot of
different variety. Autistic people are referred to as neurodivergent. That
sounds much cooler. To be neurodivergent sounds like you’re a little bit weird.
And it’s cool to be a little bit weird as long as it’s the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>cool kind of weird and not the weirdo kind of
weird.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">All this makes it easier
than ever to proudly proclaim that you are autistic. I’ve never seen anyone who
goes around saying that they’re crippled for the same reason I ‘m crippled. No
one ever claims to have what I have, unless they really do. It would creep me
out if I met somebody like that, just like autistic people are probably creeped
out by people with SDA. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe people don’t try to appropriate my kind
of crippledness because there isn’t much that’s vague about that which makes me
crippled. There’s no spectrum involved. You either have it or you don’t.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">But I think the reason
people don’t self-diagnose as being crippled for the same reason I am is
because there’s nothing cool about it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-10627081504099981952023-10-31T20:38:00.002-05:002023-10-31T20:38:54.612-05:00Fortuitous Exclusion <p> <span style="font-size: 13pt;">Some cripples put a lot of
their time and energy into trying to make it easier for cripples to play video
games. And it seems that they’re having some success. Apparently, they’ve
complained effectively enough to get Sony to design a new, more accessible
controller for PlayStation.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">I wish them luck. This is an
access battle I will not be joining.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">It’s not that I don’t agree
that the people who design video game stuff exclude cripples. It’s clear that
they do. And it’s not that I don't agree that this cripple exclusion is bad. It
is.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">But this strikes me as one
of those kinds of cripple exclusion that I find to be fortuitous. It’s probably
a good thing for me that video games are pretty inaccessible. Because I know
that if I could easily play, I’d probably spend all day playing and then I’d be
super pissed off at myself for spending all day playing. That’s the reason why
I stay the hell away from casinos. I know if I gave myself half a chance I’d play
the slot machines for hours on end, like a fucking zombie.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Churches are another example
of fortuitous cripple exclusion. When I was a kid, because I was crippled, the
Catholic church gave me a pass on doing the stuff uncrippled kids had to do,
like going to church and Sunday school. The Catholic church didn’t expect much
out of cripples, so there weren’t many paths to participation for us. Have you
ever seen a crippled altar boy?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Thus, there are also
cripples who put a lot of their time and energy into trying to make it easier for
cripples to go to church. And why not? If there are crippled kids out there who
are bound and determined to be altar boys, I suppose they ought to have that
opportunity.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">But that’s another access
battle I will not be joining. I want all of the crippled kids of today and
tomorrow to be able to enjoy their exclusions, just like I did.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></span></span><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></span></p></span></span><p></p>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-9079040834555652092023-10-18T19:30:00.000-05:002023-10-18T19:30:57.138-05:00Wiping the Master's Ass<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">I hear that in the days of
U.S. slavery, working inside of the house was considered by slaves to be
the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>cushiest of assignments. I guess
they thought that fixing meals and making beds was better than toiling in the
fields in the hot sun any old day.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what about if the master was crippled like
me? I wonder if that meant that all bets were off. Because some of the indoor
slaves would have been assigned to be members of the master’s pit crew, which
is what I call the crew of people I hire to help me get dressed and in and out
of bed and help do all of the necessary stuff I can’t do for myself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">This would mean that the job
description of the pit crew slaves would include wiping the master’s ass, as
needed. Because that’s one of the things that my pit crew members have to do for
me, as needed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">And I know that some people
think ass wiping is the dirtiest job in the world. There was a guy I hired to
be on my pit crew many years ago. He was from Cambodia and when I interviewed
him for the job he regaled me with accounts of how he escaped the murderous
dictatorship there by fleeing through the jungle and dodging wild animals. I
figured that this guy must be pretty resilient, so I hired him. But he only
lasted about a week on my pit crew because he couldn’t handle the ass wiping part.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he high tailed it back to Cambodia.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">So it makes me wonder if
some of the slaves would have preferred to stay out in the fields rather than
go inside and be on the master’s pit crew. And besides, if you didn’t wipe the
master’s ass just right, you might get whipped for it. How embarrassing would
that be?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p><div><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;"><br /></span></b></div>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-25465046598884818092023-10-09T22:39:00.000-05:002023-10-09T22:39:21.310-05:00Cripples Who Speak Latin<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">My wife is a rare breed of
cripple. She speaks Latin. Well, I don’t suppose she actually speaks Latin. I
don’t suppose anyone actually speaks Latin. But she knows a good amount of Latin
because she was in some Latin classes in school. I don’t know many cripples who
did that, or at least not many cripples my age. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">When my wife was in high
school in the 1990s, she was invited to take part in a curriculum for “gifted
and talented” students.<i> So </i></span></span><span style="font-size: 17.3333px;">she s</span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">pe</span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">nt a couple of summers taking
Latin classes.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">On the other hand, I went to
high school in the 1970s at a state-operated boarding school for cripples that
I refer to as the Sam Houston Institute of Technology (SHIT). There was no
curriculum for gifted and talented students at SHIT, probably because everyone
just assumed that any student who was going to high school at a state-operated
boarding school for cripples couldn’t possibly be talented or gifted.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">By the time my wife was
ready to go to high school, new law made it so she was allowed to attend the
same high school that the uncrippled kids in her community went to. But because
I had little choice but to attend the state-operated boarding school for
cripples, I am now illiterate in every language except English. Well, I do know
a little bit of Spanish because they did make us take Spanish classes at SHIT.
But the only reason they had Spanish classes at SHIT was probably because it was
a required part of the minimum state-approved education curriculum. Because all
we inmates ever got at SHIT was the bare basics in terms of education, food and
everything else. It’s a lot easier to get away with treating people like that
when you segregate them away.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">In the future, we’ll be able
to measure how well cripples are emerging by noting how many of them know
Latin.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"><br /></span></span></p>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-43242962222848766302023-09-27T13:40:00.000-05:002023-09-27T13:40:58.589-05:00Too Much Trauma <p><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Things have gotten to the
point where going to the grocery store is a really traumatic experience for me.
It gets me all riled up.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">It’s pretty much the same as
how taking my nightly shit used to get me all riled up. My last official act of
every day is to sit on the bowl. This is what the new agey, self-care types
would refer to as my “me” time. Except the problem was that I would also use
this time to read a little before bed. And I read a bunch of lefty political
magazines and I’d go to bed grumbling about how the fascists are taking over
and everything was going to hell. And I couldn’t sleep so my wife decided that
I needed to read something that was full of nothing but good news so she
subscribed me to a magazine that was all about beer. And when I read my beer
magazine, I’d come to bed in a much better mood. I guess I was soothed and
reassured by being reminded that even if the fascists are taking over and
everything is going to hell, at least we still live in a world where there’s a
wide variety of beer.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">But what gets me all riled
up when I go to the grocery store are those people who park their cars in the
striped area next to the cripple parking spaces. That’s even more ignorant than
parking in the cripple spaces themselves because those striped areas are there
because wheelchair cripples like me need extra room next to the parking space
so we can deploy our ramp or lift so we can get out of the vehicle. So what
happens is we park and go inside the store and when we come back out we see
that someone has parked in the striped area, which means we don’t have room to
get back into the vehicle. When this happens to me, I say to myself, “Didn’t
that jackass see all those stripes painted on the ground? If not, they’re too
blind to be driving!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">And didn’t they take a
minute to consider that those stripes might mean something? They’re the same
stripes that are painted in the fire lane and everybody knows that it means
that you don’t park there or you’ll get towed. But you won’t get towed if you
park in the striped area next to the cripple parking space.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I complain to the manager that someone is
parked in the striped area next to the cripple space, they’ll just shrug and
mumble a generic apology. They don’t want to tow anybody for that reason
because they don’t want to piss off customers. Apparently, they don’t mind if
they piss off customers like me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">One time the vehicle parked
in the stripes next to the cripple space I was parked in was a tow truck. Who
do you call when you need to have a tow truck towed?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10.0pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-32652817901405729482023-09-14T13:15:00.000-05:002023-09-14T13:15:16.808-05:00Cripples as Sales Leads<p> <span style="font-size: 13pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;"> A stranger approached me on the street a
couple weeks ago and it really made my day. Because usually when a stranger
approaches me on the street it’s a dreadful experience. Because usually the
only reason a stranger approaches a cripple on the street is
either because they want to a) give you some spare change because they think you must be a beggar or b) tell you about Jesus Christ. </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">Either way it’s quite
annoying. </span></span><span style="font-size: 13pt;">The Jesus boosters are
particularly annoying. One time one of them said to me, “Have you heard about
Jesus?” My first impulse was to be a smart ass and say, “Who?” But I was afraid
that he wouldn’t get or appreciate the joke and thus he would proceed to answer
my question in great detail. So I said nothing and just kept going. I similarly
try to avoid the Jehovah’s Witnesses. They stand on the sidewalk downtown next
to a rolling rack full of books and pamphlets, so I just assume they’re
Jehovah’s Witnesses. But I don’t know for sure because I’m afraid to ask them
who they are. I’m afraid to even make eye contact with them. There ought to be
signs all over town that say DO NOT FEED THE CHRISTIANS. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">I feel kind of insulted when
Christians approach me on the street because I think they think that because
I’m crippled, I therefore am a great potential sales lead for buying what
they’re selling, which is Jesus.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">But the stranger who approached
me on the street a couple weeks ago wasn’t selling Jesus. He must’ve been
selling drugs because he was bleary-eyed and as he reached into the pocket of
his jeans he said to me, “Hey bro, I got sawbucks.” I didn’t know what he meant
but it sounded like drug slang, so I just said, “Thanks anyway.” And I kept
moving. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">And then the stranger said
to me, “You straight?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">So I replied, “Yes, I’m
straight.” I assumed that being “straight” means that your current inventory of
drugs is sufficient.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%;">The stranger then approached
the next passersby and said, “Hey bro, I got sawbucks.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<span class="Heading2Char"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 107%;">But I felt somewhat honored that the stranger
tried to sell me drugs. At least he saw me as a potential sales lead for buying
what he was selling, and it wasn’t Jesus.</span></span><div><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="font-size: 13pt; line-height: 107%;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"> (Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-size: medium; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p></span></span></div>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-48420234047281512132023-09-07T13:11:00.000-05:002023-09-07T13:11:21.148-05:00The Bathroom Police <p> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I often pull up to a parking space that’s
reserved for somebody with a cripple vehicle but it’s occupied by a car that
clearly belongs to some dumbass vert (which is what I call people who walk
because it’s short for vertical*).<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">But sometimes I get lucky
and that dumbass vert will return to their car while I’m still there. And then
I get to experience the joy of watching the look of shame jump onto their face
when they realize they’ve been busted. It’s so cool when that happens.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">The same thing happens a lot
when I try to use public bathrooms. Almost always, the one and only cripple
stall is locked because it’s being occupied by some dumbass vert who is taking
the longest shit in human history. And when that dumbass vert finally comes out
and sees me sitting there that same look of shame jumps onto their face.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Except the difference is
that the cripple parking spaces are clearly marked with a big blue sign with
that white crippled stick figure on it and it warns that any dumbass vert who
parks there can be fined $250. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Wouldn’t it be great if
there was a sign like that on every cripple stall in every public bathroom? And
wouldn’t it be great if I could call the cops and they’d kick down the door of
the cripple stall and drag out the dumbass vert with their pants still down
around their ankles and haul them away? Maybe the police would even have a code
for this offense, something like 10-56= dumbass vert using cripple stall.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">But it probably would never
work that way. I mean, those big blue warning signs don’t stop dumbass verts
from parking in cripple parking spaces.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">*Not all verts are
dumbasses. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vert dumbassery is a spectrum.
Everyone is on it at some point but those who park in cripple spaces are on the
deep end.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-86360969163311164022023-08-28T18:10:00.000-05:002023-08-28T18:10:20.831-05:00Scrotum Capitalism <p><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">There is a brand of
capitalism I call scrotum capitalism.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">The goal of the scrotum
capitalist is to get all of their customers by the scrotum. But you don’t have
to have an actual scrotum in order to have a scrotum capitalist get you by the
scrotum. I’m talking about a metaphorical scrotum, and everyone has one of
those.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">In order words, the scrotum
capitalist seeks to corner the market on something their customers can’t live
without. That way, the scrotum capitalist can charge the customers whatever
stupid inflated price they decide to charge and the customers have no choice
but to pay whatever that price may be because the scrotum capitalist has them
by the scrotum.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s how healthcare is distributed in the
U.S. Another good example of scrotum capitalism is the price they charge for the
brushes that you have to attach to the end of electric toothbrushes<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have you seen how crazy overpriced those
things are? They’re like 10 bucks a piece! They look like they cost about 10
cents a piece to make. But the people who manufacture electric toothbrushes
know they’ve got you by the scrotum because what the hell good is an electric
toothbrush without the brush? Maybe you could use it as a vibrating dildo but
that’s about it. And even then, you’re still going to have to brush your teeth eventually.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Cripples are quite often the
victims of scrotum capitalism, Buying a cripple accessible vehicle costs about
as much as buying two regular vehicles. But what’re you going to do? You’ve
gotta have it so you suck it up and pay for it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">I’ve got these buttons that
control various functions of my wheelchair. If I need a replacement button and
I go to buy one online, they cost about $70! And they look like maybe they cost
about $2 to make, at the most!<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">That’s how it is when it
comes to the cost of wheelchairs and wheelchair parts and stuff like that that
cripples can’t live without. But what’re you going to do? You’ve gotta have it
so you suck it up and pay for it.<br /><br /><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-78519133182219192232023-08-17T17:52:00.001-05:002023-08-17T17:52:34.697-05:00The Terms and Conditions of my Acceptance <p> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">It happens to every cripple
sooner or later. You’re sitting on a street corner minding your own business
when suddenly some walking person tosses a few dollars in your lap and says
something like, “God bless you.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">I used to get all huffy and
indignant whenever that happened to me. I always felt it was important to say
something to the person like, “Just because I’m a cripple doesn’t make me a
goddam beggar!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">But now my perspective has
changed somewhat. I’m willing to except the bucks that are tossed my way, but I
still feel it’s important to let the tosser know why I’m accepting it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">But rather than give a long
speech, what I ought to do is carry around several copies of a document
entitled THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF MY ACCEPTANCE. Here’s the first draft that
I’ve put together in my head:<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">To whom it may concern,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">I am accepting the money you
just gave me because one of the hardest things about being crippled is that it’s
so goddam expensive. We have to buy a lot of ridiculously pricey stuff most
people don’t have to buy, such as wheelchairs and catheters. We may have to pay
somebody just to help us drag our sorry asses out of bed every morning.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">So I would be remiss in my
fiscal responsibility to myself if I turned down any offer of financial
support, as paltry as it may be.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">But let me also be clear
that I do not consider it to be your responsibility to eliminate the
aforementioned inequities that come with being crippled. The permanent solution
is socialist revolution. I’m not talking about the kind of bull shit socialism
where some asshole like Stalin is in charge. I’m talking about creating the
kind of socialist society where if someone needs a wheelchair or catheters or
assistance dragging their sorry ass out of bed every morning, they can get what
they need without delay or hassle and without going broke.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">If you really want to help
cripples like me, you should join the fight to bring about such a revolution.
Meanwhile, we cripples still have catheters and wheelchairs to buy. And if our
wheelchairs break and we have to get them repaired, paying for that will make
Bill Fucking Gates go broke!<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">So I will grudgingly accept your
contribution and I'll try not to feel too demeaned. And no, I can’t give you a
receipt so you can write this off your taxes.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Sincerely yours,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Smart Ass Cripple <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-67456880271495902222023-08-06T15:16:00.007-05:002023-08-06T15:16:53.179-05:00Good News and Bad News<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Those personal injury
attorneys are sort of like Make-a-wish for adults.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">They’ve got good news and
bad news. The good news is that they can make you a millionaire beyond your
wildest dreams. The bad news is that in order to qualify for that, you have to
have been in a terrible accident.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Make-a wish works the same
way. They can arrange for a kid to spend an afternoon hanging out with Beyonce.
But in order to qualify for that, that kid has to have cancer or something
similarly terrible. Healthy kids need not apply.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">And some kids with cancer
need not apply either. If you’re a kid with cancer that still somehow manages
to have a can-do attitude and an upbeat spirit, you’ll probably make the cut
because you’ll make Beyoncé feel inspired with your attitude. But if you’re all
bummed out and depressed about having cancer, you probably won’t make the cut
because you might make Beyonce feel bummed out and depressed, too. And that
would ruin everything.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">When I see stories on the
television about Make-a-Wish kids running around with their favorite pop
culture heroes, I wonder how that kid’s siblings feel about it all as they watch from the background. On the one
hand, the siblings probably have to feel at least a little bit jealous that no
one’s gushing all over them. But on the other hand, they probably have to feel
at least a little bit relieved when they realize that the reason no one’s
paying attention to them is because they don’t have cancer.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Because that’s how I feel
when I see commercials for those personal injury attorneys. On the one hand, I
think about how cool it would be to be a millionaire beyond my wildest dreams.
But on the other hand, when I think about what needs to happen in order to make
that happen, I don’t feel like running out and getting hit by a bus.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">I say to myself, “That’s all
right. I’m good.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-40567121123828937742023-07-29T15:16:00.001-05:002023-07-29T15:16:19.888-05:00Who the Hell are These Cripples, Anyway?<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">There are times when I just
shake my head and say to myself. “Who the hell are these cripples, anyway?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">I especially feel that way
when I read cripple magazines. There are people who put out magazines where
cripples are the target audience. The ads are for cripple stuff like
wheelchairs and catheters. These magazines tend to be glossy and full of
stories about adventurous cripples who do stuff like go on safaris. There are
never stories about cripples living off Social Security and hustling hard to
get by, trying to figure out how the hell they’re going to be able to afford to
buy cripple stuff<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>like wheelchairs and
catheters.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">And it’s inevitable that
sooner or later the magazines will run a story about a cripple who couldn’t
find a wheelchair accessible place to live so they built a wheelchair
accessible house from scratch. The story recounts the whole process, from the
cripple finding and acquiring just the right plot of land to drawing up
blueprints with the architects to supervising the contractor during
construction.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">And that’s when I say to
myself, “Who the hell are these cripples, anyway?” I mean, finding a wheelchair
accessible place to live is a trying quest that every cripple must eventually
embark upon. But of the zillions of cripples I’ve known, I don’t believe I’ve
met one who conquered this obstacle by building their own wheelchair accessible
house.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Who can afford to do that?
Cripples in search of a wheelchair accessible place to live usually settle for
moving into some tiny hole that’s vaguely accessible and then they try to stay
there for the rest of their lives because finding an affordable place to live
is a huge pain in the ass when you don’t have to worry about wheelchair access.
But when you do have to worry about wheelchair access, that eliminates about 90
percent of the available tiny holes from consideration.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">At lot of cripples move into
places that are accidentally accessible. Like maybe there’s a building with a
tiny hole of a “garden” apartment back by the dumpster area in the alley. And
the entrance is flat not for the benefit of cripples but so that the dumpsters
can be rolled in and out. So the cripple enters and exits through the dumpster
gate. The view from their windows is of the alley.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">But that’s good enough! To
the cripple it’s paradise. The cripple will stay there for the rest of their
life if they can<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>because it sure beats
the hell out of searching for a wheelchair accessible place to live.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">I never see stories like
that in those cripple magazines.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-37793520213774848852023-07-16T15:29:00.000-05:002023-07-16T15:29:53.614-05:00My Cold Feet Won't Kill Me<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">The television commercial
was designed to make me immediately want to run out and get a neuropathy risk
assessment. But it didn’t work on me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">I must admit that at first
the commercial caught my ear. The all-knowing voiceover explained that neuropathy
is nerve damage and then it rattled off symptoms. “Do you suffer from numbness
or tingling in your fingers and or toes?” it said. “Do you have cold feet?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Cold feet? I always have
cold feet. If the temperature is below 80 degrees, I get cold feet. I even get
cold feet if the temperature is above 80 degrees if there’s too much air conditioning,
like in a hotel. When its hot outside, hotels crank up the air conditioning and
it feels like you’re in a meat locker.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">So maybe this means I have
neuropathy. And maybe my cold feet might kill so maybe I shouldn’t be so
cavalier about them! Maybe I should get a neuropathy risk assessment right
away, as the all-knowing voiceover urged me to do. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">But I didn’t do it. I didn’t
do it even though the all-knowing voiceover warned of all the scary things that
can happen if neuropathy goes untreated. A person can end up in a wheelchair!<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">That didn’t scare me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Untreated neuropathy can
even lead to amputation!<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">That didn’t scare me either.
When I was a kid, I got some sort of bad infection in my foot. As I was sitting
with my foot hanging over the bathtub so my mother could scrub it, she said to
me, “You better be careful, or you might have to have your foot cut off!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">And I said, “So what. I
don’t use it anyway.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">That’s how I felt about it,
even as a kid. About half of my body didn’t work anyway. I just dragged it
around for cosmetic purposes. It might be a relief not to have to do that
anymore. So maybe the cure for perpetually cold feet is not to have any feet.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">The all-knowing voiceover never said untreated neuropathy can be lethal. So it couldn’t scare me. I guess I wasn’t the right demographic.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">But seeing that commercial
did bring me a certain peace of mind. At least I now know that my cold feet
won’t kill me. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 19.9333px; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-84078209668659058102023-07-09T15:29:00.001-05:002023-07-09T15:29:57.017-05:00Getting Good and Blasted on a Cripple Field Trip<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">The sessions of Jerry Lewis
Muscular Dystrophy Summer Camp were one week long. The YMCA campgrounds where
the sessions were held wasn’t far away from a shopping mall.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">So one year the people who
organized the cripple activities at the camp decided to arrange a Wednesday
field trip to the shopping mall. At first only the crippled older women went.
The guys my age were too cool to go on a crippled old lady’s field trip like
that.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">But by the second or third
year we all signed up to go. In fact, just about the whole camp emptied out as
everyone boarded one of the cripple buses and went to the shopping mall. That’s
because word got around that there was a bar in the shopping mall called Beer
& Brat. And so everyone except the crippled old ladies who enjoyed going to
the stores went straight to Beer & Brat and spent the afternoon getting
good and blasted. Apparently Beer & Brat didn’t card us very hard because I
don’t think a lot of us were quite old enough to get good and blasted legally.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">At Jerry Lewis Muscular
Dystrophy Summer Camp, every cripple had to be accompanied at all times by our
specially assigned vert (which is what I call people who walk because it’s
short for vertical). And so many of the verts that were with us also got good
and blasted. I remember one of them climbing on top of the juke box and mooning
everybody.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">I wonder what the owners of
Beer & Brat made of the annual cripple invasion. They were probably at
least a little freaked out because getting a bunch of cripples good and blasted
surely had to be against the law or something, right? But they should’ve been
happy as hell to see us packing the place because no doubt they made a shitload
of money off of us. And on a Wednesday to boot!<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5512974252421215566.post-56103442231491505432023-06-29T13:12:00.000-05:002023-06-29T13:12:10.831-05:00Relieving my Pain and Suffering <p> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">I received an unexpected
check in the mail from the U.S. government. I wasn’t sure what it was for. At first I
figured maybe it was a tax refund. But in the memo it said “reparations
for being crippled. “<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">I don’t recall demanding
that the government pay me reparations for being crippled. And I don’t recall
anyone else ever demanding that either. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
sometimes the government does nice things out of the blue just for the hell of
it. That’s how we got the Americans with Disabilities Act. Congress just woke up
one morning feeling particularly chipper and it said to itself, “I think I’ll
surprise the cripples by giving them this law, just to remind them how much we
love them. They really deserve it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
can’t wait to see the look of delight on their sad little faces!” I figure if
the government wants to give me free money, who the hell am I to say no? So I
cashed the check. I considered it to be my patriotic duty.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">There was a letter included
in the envelope with the check. It said, “Dear Mike, This is the U.S. Government
writing to say we’re sorry you’re crippled. Please accept the enclosed check as
a token of our condolences. Consider this our way of trying to help you relieve
your pain and suffering.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">So I took all the cash and
flew to Vegas. And besides what I spent on stuff like airfare and hotel, I
blew all the rest of my reparations on snorting lines of cocaine off the bare bellies of exotic
dancers. Why not? After all, the purpose of the money was to relieve the pain and suffering I’ve endured because I’m crippled.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">And now I’m back home and
back to being broke ass. I think the whole thing was an experiment. Sometimes
governments use cripples as guinea pigs. The Nazis had a campaign of trying to
exterminate cripples so they could be more efficient when it became time to try
to exterminate the Jews.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Maybe the government started
out by sending cripples reparations just to see what would happen. Because a
lot of people say that if the government gives cash directly to poor people
they’ll just take it and blow it all.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><span class="Heading2Char"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">So maybe, based on what I
did, the next time the government pays some other group of people reparations,
in order to keep them was squandering it frivolously, they’ll send them a gift
card from Home Depot or something.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 328.2pt;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)</b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 18.4px; margin-bottom: 10pt; mso-pagination: none; orphans: 2; tab-stops: 328.2pt; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><b style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0000ee; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-line: underline;">https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI</span></b></p>Smart Ass Cripplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13017074589165581514noreply@blogger.com1