Smart Ass Cripple

Expressing pain through sarcasm since 2010. Welcome to the official site for bitter cripples (and those who love them). Smart Ass Cripple has been voted World's Biggest Smart Ass by J.D. Power and Associates.

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Tuesday, September 1, 2026

Cripples and Chicago Pigeons

I often say to people, “You’ d be a lousy cripple." I say it to verts ( which is what I call people who walk because it’s short for v...

Thursday, August 20, 2026

Urinalism

I call the crew of people that I have hired to come to my home and help me do the things everyone has to do (like getting in and out of bed ...

Sunday, August 9, 2026

The Royal Council of Cripples

There is this thing called The Royal Council of Cripples. It is the governing body of all cripples everywhere and it meets to conduct its bu...

Thursday, July 30, 2026

Ramps on Curbs

I want to take this opportunity to apologize on behalf of cripples everywhere. Because you see, it’s because of us that curbs on corners all...

Sunday, July 19, 2026

The Triple Whammy

It used to be that if you wanted to corner the market on public sympathy, all that you had to do was be a cripple. Yes, my children, there ...

Tuesday, July 14, 2026

When Cripples Become Republicans

The one and only time that I was in East St. Louis, Illinois, the economy looked like it was booming to me. Or at least that’s what seeme...

Tuesday, June 30, 2026

Cripple Envy

Some people have a bad case of cripple envy. That’s when a person who isn’t the cripled is real jealous of those of us who are. And so the...

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About Me

Smart Ass Cripple: Smart ass cripple (Mike Ervin) is also known as America's Sweetheart.

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