Smart Ass Cripple

Expressing pain through sarcasm since 2010. Welcome to the official site for bitter cripples (and those who love them). Smart Ass Cripple has been voted World's Biggest Smart Ass by J.D. Power and Associates.

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Tuesday, August 27, 2013

An Essay Comparing and Contrasting Cripples and Spiders

People are afraid of spiders for the same reason they’re afraid of cripples. They think they’re ugly. It’s silly to be scared of spi...

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Viva Cheryl Marie Wade

Cheryl Marie Wade died yesterday. She was a radical artist and a big influence on me. Please take a little time and check out her great wor...

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Eddie the Centaur

On a crowded city sidewalk, I heard someone call my name. I turned and there was a centaur, waving and smiling at me. Oh my God, I t...

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Feigning Incontinence in the Name of Love

If I’m ever crippled up to the point where I’m homebound, that will be one miserable situation. I’ll be a sad and lonely old man in a mu...

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Call in the Marines

Apparently, back about 40 years ago, there used to be an elite team of specially-trained U.S Marines whose mission it was to carry cripp...

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Waiting

What the hell was I thinking? I must have forgotten where I came from? Here’s what was on my to-do list for the day: 1. Go to t...

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Pit Crew Members Say the Darndest Cute Things

Let us begin this tale with some great words of wisdom from Leonardo da Vinci: “The penis does not obey the order of its master… The...

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About Me

Smart Ass Cripple: Smart ass cripple (Mike Ervin) is also known as America's Sweetheart.

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