Smart Ass Cripple

Expressing pain through sarcasm since 2010. Welcome to the official site for bitter cripples (and those who love them). Smart Ass Cripple has been voted World's Biggest Smart Ass by J.D. Power and Associates.

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Wednesday, March 27, 2019

The Shittiest Paying Shitty-Paying Job

I know there are a lot of shitty-paying jobs in the world, but the shittiest-paying job of all is being crippled. Sometimes being crippl...

Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Indignant for the Dogs

I used to live near a city park where people walked so many different breeds of their pet dogs that it looked like an audition call for the...

Wednesday, March 13, 2019

The Robin Hood of Commodes

I’m sitting in my cubicle in the emergency room waiting to be seen. Outside in the corridor is a commode. Beautiful commode. It looks shiny...

Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Warning: Here Comes Yet Another Edition of Ask Smart Ass Cripple

Dear Smart Ass Cripple, I need your help. I’m looking for a recipe for homemade gruel. I figured if anyone would have one, it would be y...

Wednesday, February 27, 2019

Muscular Dystrophy Mike

I’m sure glad that that which makes me crippled isn’t contagious. Life would sure suck if it was. That which makes me crippled would then...

Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Bathroom Standoff

Sometimes the double wide cripple stalls in public bathrooms are occupied by a homeless person. The same is true of those double wide outd...

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Drooling Barbies

In 2017, the Mattel Toy Company committed a heinous act of cripple genocide. Twenty years earlier, the company started making a Barbie dol...

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About Me

Smart Ass Cripple: Smart ass cripple (Mike Ervin) is also known as America's Sweetheart.

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