I’m sure glad I don’t live in Korea. Because if I did, everyone would be all bummed out on my birthday.
And I wouldn’t know this if I lived in a
stinkin’ nursing home. Because a guy from South Korea used to be a member of my
pit crew, which is what I call the group of people I’ve hired to come into my
home every day to help me do stuff like get dressed and out of bed, take a
crap, etc. When I mentioned my birthday, this guy told me that it is the
anniversary of the beginning of the Korean War.
And I never would have met this guy if I
was in a stinkin’ nursing home because I wouldn’t have a pit crew. I wouldn’t
need one because the nursing home would send in people to do all the stuff that
my pit crew does for me. And they’d be strangers dressed in surgical scrubs and
they’d come get me up at whatever time was most convenient for them because
they’d probably also be getting about a dozen other people up. And I’d probably
have to go to bed whenever they were ready to put me to bed even if it was 6 p.m.
and the sun was still up because they’d probably also have to put about a dozen
other people to bed. And I ‘d have to eat whatever the gruel de jour was
whenever they were ready to help me eat it. And I wouldn’t have a damn thing to
say about any of it.
So I’m glad I got to meet this guy from Korea
so now at least I’ll know what to expect if I’m ever there on my birthday. Otherwise I might’ve been blindsided. That
would really suck. It would be like this other guy I know whose eighth birthday
party was ruined because it happened on the same day that John F. Kennedy went
out and got himself assassinated.
It’s probably the same way for people in
the U.S. whose birthday is September 11. That’s a fucked-up day in Chile, too,
because on September 11, 1973, their elected president, Salvador Allende, was killed
and a military junta took over. Allende was replaced by General Augusto Pinochet, who was one of the infamous brutal assholes of the 20th Century, up
there with Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot. And the administration of U.S. President
Richard Nixon (another brutal asshole) helped plan and conduct the coup.
But anyway, I’m glad I don’t live in Korea because I’m
usually a little bit bummed on my birthday as it is. Because I always try to
take the day off and not do any work and try to just do fun stuff. But everyone
else is going around like it’s just another day, except the people who are
doing fun stuff with me. If I were president, I’d make my birthday a national
holiday so that everyone could just do fun stuff. Everyone would have the day
off, except bartenders. On my birthday, bartenders are the first responders.
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