I need to hurry up and become super famous. I’m talking about that
rare Lou Gehrig level of fame.
It’s a daunting task but I think I can do
it. I’m certainly motivated enough to try. Because there’s one glaringly unachieved goal remaining on my
bucket list. I want to be famous enough to have a disease named after me.
And I want to do it the hard way, like Lou
Gehrig did. I feel like any old punk can take the shortcut by discovering a
disease and then having it named after them, like Alzheimer or Parkinson. That
seems like cheating.
But when a disease is named after you
just because you have it, now that’s famous! But it has to be a certain kind of
famous. Look at Michael J. Fox, for instance. He has Parkinson’s, but they
still call it Parkinson’s. I’ve never heard about any groundswell to rename it
Michael J. Fox’s disease. I guess he's not famous in the right way.
And what about Stephen Hawking ? He’s
just as famous as Lou Gehrig, but nobody calls what made him crippled Stephen
Hawking’s Disease. Maybe it’s a matter of first come first serve and Lou Gehrig beat him to it. Or maybe you have
to have the kind of fame that is free from all taint of infamy. Some people might
consider Stephen Hawking to be a bit bawdy. Maybe someday something will happen
to sully Lou Gehrig’s good name. Like
maybe it’ll come out that his hobby was kicking puppies. Then maybe he’ll be
stripped of his disease and the title will be awarded to Stephen Hawking.
But I’m at the stage of life where a man
thinks a lot about his legacy, and I really want mine to include having that
which has made me crippled renamed Smart Ass Cripple’s Disease. I believe I’m
crippled because of something called Spinal Muscular Atrophy aka SMA. I’ve
never been officially diagnosed because it really doesn’t matter to me. Knowing what makes me crippled doesn’t make
me any less crippled.
So I’m halfway toward achieving my goal.
I already have a disease. Now I just have to figure out how to get famous
enough to have SMA renamed Smart Ass Cripple’s Disease. But that probably won’t
ever happen. I’m too bawdy.
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