Ramps on Curbs

I want to take this opportunity to apologize on behalf of cripples everywhere. Because you see, it’s because of us that curbs on corners all over the world now have ramps on them. This has become such a common sight that when you see a curb that doesn’t have a ramp, it really stands out, Whenever I see a movie that is supposed to be taking place a long time ago and I see curb ramps on city streets, I know it's bullshit because there were no curb ramps much before 1970. That’s around the time when some cripples went out and did stuff like breaking up curbs with sledgehammers and such so that the curbs would have to be replaced with ramped curbs. To this day, some cripples are filing lawsuits in an attempt to get their local governments to put ramps on curbs, like law has required them to do for a long time. That’s why you see curbs on corners all over the world that have ramps on them. But lately, whenever those annoying delivery robots are hustling down the sidewalk, if they need to cross the street they head straight for the ramp on the curb. Because they're also on wheels and if they didn’t use the ramps, they’d tumble over the edge of the curb and land face first in the street and get stuck there, like many of our crippled ancestors used to. I consider the ancestors who have taken up arms with sledgehammers and lawsuits to be visionary. But I guess even they couldn’t foresee the dystopian world for which their actions might be paving the way. I guess even they couldn’t have imagined such terrifying unintended consequences. But even if they had thought about it, I’m sure glad that they decided to go ahead and do it anyway for the sake of the cripples of the future. I just hope that those delivery robots realize that without us there would be no them. (Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.) https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH

The Triple Whammy

It used to be that if you wanted to corner the market on public sympathy, all that you had to do was be a cripple. Yes, my children, there once was a time when behemoth telethons heavily populated the television waves and raised money to help certain charities fulfill their mission of serving sad little cripples. But somewhere along the line, people became more cynical and being merely crippled wasn’t good enough to tug on their heartstrings in just the right way anymore. Or maybe it was another effect of inflation. Before people were going to call the number on their television screen to make a financial pledge, they had to be assured that they would be getting the biggest bang for their buck. So someone came up with a double whammy, like disabled veterans. And if you called this number on your television screen, your pledge will serve both cripples and veterans.You get two for the price of one! And disabled veterans were the worthiest of cripples because they became crippled while defending our freedom! Us regular cripples didn’t have a chance competing against them in the sympathy game. And then along came the triple whammy. There’s a liquor store that I frequent often and it has a sign that informs all who enter that for every purchase they make, the company that owns and operates the store will make a donation to a charity that trains dogs to be service animals for disabled veterans. So in this case, you get three for the price of one! Your donation helps out cripples, veterans and dogs. Us regular cripples don’t have a chance competing against them in the sympathy game. (Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.) https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH

When Cripples Become Republicans

The one and only time that I was in East St. Louis, Illinois, the economy looked like it was booming to me. Or at least that’s what seemed to be going on for those in the boarding up business. Because a lot of storefront businesses were boarded up. And I saw a storefront business with a sign on it that said BOB’S BOARDING UP COMPANY. And it was boarded up. This really confused the hell out of me. It opened up a lot of questions within me for which I am still searching for answers: How the hell could something like that happen? Isn’t there an endless supply of storefront businesses going under in East St. Louis so that an infinite number of boarding up businesses could keep going forever? Was poor old Bob’s last professional act to board up his own business? Or did he spend his last dime paying one of his competitors to do it for him? This really confused the hell out of me almost as much as it does when I come across a cripple who is a republican. That always opens up a lot of questions within me for which I am still searching for answers: How the hell could something like that happen? What have republicans ever done for them? How long are they going to use the fact that George H.W. Bush signed the Americans with Disabilities Act as their excuse for pretending that republicans give a flying shit about cripples? Don’t they know or care about any other cripples? (Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.) https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH