I found this hilarious patch many years ago at some weird
store somewhere. The background of the patch was that unique shade of blue that
you always see behind that white stick figure guy in a wheelchair on access
signs. I call that shade of blue cripple blue.
The stick figure guy in the wheelchair on the patch was
smoking a bong with the letters THC on it. And across the top of the patch it
said CRIPPLED.
So I bought the patch and had someone sew it onto the
backpack that hung on the back of my wheelchair and I proudly displayed it.
People often asked me what the patch meant and I always had to say that I
didn’t know. I surmised that maybe it was some sort of stoner slang, like when
you’re really really stoned you say, “Oh man, I’m sooooo crippled!”
But anyway, I was out and about one glorious summer day,
rolling down a bustling sidewalk in Chicago and I heard a voice from behind
shout out, “Hey cripple!”
I decided to just ignore it and keep rolling.
But then I heard it again, louder. “Hey cripple!”
At this point, I’m figuring it must be a friend of mine making all that noise. Who
else would be shouting that at me in public with such bold determination?
I turned around and there were two guys hustling up to me. I
didn’t know either one of them. But it was easy to tell by their grins and
their bleary eyes that they were both quite stoned.
The guy on the right snorted out a laugh and said to me, “That's the funniest bumper sticker I ever saw!” And then he said, “You deserve one of
these!”
He reached out and held a one-hitter in front of my mouth.
The other guy reached out and lit a lighter.
But I hesitated. I looked around. After all, we were in the
middle of a bustling city sidewalk. Surely this whole encounter was being
captured on some video camera.
Then the guy holding the one-hitter said, “What’re they
gonna do, arrest us? Fuck ‘em, I’m a lawyer!”
So I took the hit and continued on my way. And about 15 minutes
later, oh man, I was soooooooo crippled!
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Your vitriol has won me over. Rock on with your bad funky crippled self, Smart Ass Cripple bro. If Harley Davidson made wheelchairs, your crippled ass would be their spokes-crippled - ass. I'd see you on my Visio four times in succession advertising Harley Davidson wheelchairs and I'd say "I read that fuckers blog and he is funky as hell." I would.
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