The Giant Neon Stereotype

After spending one night in Asheville, North Carolina, I felt closer to Jesus.

 It all happened because I am arbitrarily allergic to cats. When I say that I am arbitrarily allergic, I mean that sometimes I am and sometimes I am not. It all depends on the cat and the setting. I’ve lived in the same household with cats and they never bothered me at all. And I’ve been to some people’s homes where there was a cat present and even though I never saw it I knew that there was one there because I could hardly breathe.

Our fellow traveler had relatives who lived in Asheville and they were nice enough to let us stay overnight in their home as we were driving down to Georgia. But I was having trouble breathing and it was getting worse. I told them that I needed to spend the night at a motel. And, of course, it had to be accessible.

So our hosts told me that I should go stay at the Mountaineer Inn. But the problem was that I didn’t know how to get there. I had no idea how to find my way around Asheville. So our hosts gave me directions to a certain intersection and they said that when I get there I should look for the giant neon hillbilly. That would be the landmark that would let me know that I had arrived safe and sound at the Mountaineer.

I was accompanied to the Mountaineer by my pit crew member who went on the trip with me. I refer to the crew of people I’ve hired to help me do the stuff that everybody needs to do every day, like getting in and out of bed and getting dressed, as my pit crew.

And when we got to that intersection we looked around and sure enough, there was a giant, neon hillbilly. It looked like a granny sitting in a rocking chair and smoking a pipe.

Like Jesus, I was wandering around, nomadic and homeless. Except Jesus was Jed to his warm and comfortable home by a bright star. I was led to mine by a giant neon stereotype.

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