Friday, January 30, 2015

Please Give Generously to Project I Don’t Know What Makes You Think You’re so Goddam Superior.

When I heard the story of little Juanito, it really touched my heart. Juanito is a crippled boy who lives in a remote village in the mountains of Guatemala. Juanito is a typical, fun-loving, energetic little boy but because of a genetic abnormality he was born with webbed fingers and toes like a duck. Cosequently, other children are afraid of Juanito and even many adults shun him. Juanito spends his days looking longingly from the window of his family’s mud hut while other children romp and play outdoors.

Juanito needs your help. If he could come to America, he could receive an elaborate operation and several months of grueling rehab that might restore his hands and feet to something resembling normal.

But fuck all that assimilationist crap. Why should Juanito jump through all those flaming hoops just to be accepted? The problem isn’t his webbed fingers and toes. The problem is all those people around him who think they’re so goddam superior just because they don’t have webbed fingers and toes.

This is a common problem. All over the world there are crippled children and adults who are isolated and marginalized by others who think of themselves as so goddam superior. It even happens here in America. This is where Project I Don’t Know What Makes You Think You’re so Goddam Superior comes in. We teach victims like Juanito how to say, in so many words, “Hey, it’s not up to me to get rid of my crippledness. It’s up to you to get rid of your goddam superior attitude!”

We accomplish this by dispatching teams of smart ass missionaries to troubled regions such as Juanito’s village. First, our volunteers give all the victims of other people's goddam superior attitudes a pep talk: “Hey, screw those ass holes! Nobody’s fucking perfect.” Then our highly-trained smart asses help people like Juanito craft retorts that bust people who think they’re so goddam superior down to size. It could be something like, “I may have webbed fingers and toes but look at your humongous ears!” Or maybe, “You’ve got a lot of room to talk. Everybody knows your old lady is banging the local shepherd.”

The goal of Project I Don’t Know What Makes You Think You’re so Goddam Superior is self-sufficiency. We strive to build the confidence and self-esteem of crippled people like Juanito to the point where they don’t need anyone’s help telling all those who think they’re so goddam superior to fuck off. We attack oppression at its root by reminding us all that everybody is freak in some way so we all need to lighten the fuck up a little.

So please call the number on your screen and give generously to Project I Don’t Know What Makes You Think You’re so Goddam Superior! Little crippled boys like Juanito are counting on you!

(Smart Ass Cripple is completely reader supported. Contributing to the tip jar, purchasing books and subscribing through Amazon Kindle keeps us going. Please help if you can.)


  1. SO TRUE! I would totally donate to What Makes You Think You’re so Goddam Superior! because I am so fucking sick of people and their fucking superior atitudes.

  2. The best way to cure people of Thinking They're So Goddam Superior to cripples is to make them one of us. I find a wooden baseball bat to be the most emotionally satisfying tool for accomplishing this, but those cripples who are less mobile might want to pick something they can wield more easily.

  3. Hey Smart Ass Cripple;

    Long time reader, first time commenter. I totally agree with you on the fact that a lot of able-bodied people may think they are more superior than the disabled bodied person, but why scoop to their level? I agree with the fact that no one is perfect and everyone should feel comfortable in the skin they're in but do two wrongs make a right?

    If we want to make this better I do not think sending people to Juanito's village to insult others who may be prejudice towards Juanito is going to help anything. Fighting fire with fire may not be the best way to deal with this situation.

    I think educating these people who are mistreating Juanito about how everyone is born differently and that no one is perfect or the same may have a better impact. Sending missionaries to his village to talk with Juanito and other local villagers about Juanito's condition would go a great deal further in my opinion. Telling one of the villagers his old lady is sleeping with the local shepherd is just going to create a more hostile environment and more than likely make things worse for Juanito in the long run anyway.

    The long and the short of it is I agree something needs to be done, but not like this. Maybe the most effective thing you could do is ask Juanito what he wants? Maybe he wants to get the operation, or maybe he just wants to allow people to get educated on his condition so that they know why he has webbed toes and fingers.

    I would assume Juanito like any young boy just wants to fit in, and going there to cause a scene and make fun of other people in the village won't help him do so; if anything they will resent him more. I bet if you asked Juanito what he wanted he would not say, "make fun of them so they know how I feel," because he more than likely realizes that this does not do anyone any good.

  4. Yeah but where is the fun and always taking the high road? Sure there is something to be said about patiently and kindly and diplomatically educating every single ignorant individual one might come a crossed in day-to-day life… having said this though… I know, speaking for myself I could educate people all day long about being a guide dog using legally blind single parent… But still have to people wouldn't get the point… Or it wouldn't make a dent in their ignoranceso sometimes slightly more forceful tools must be engaged… Such as perhaps the aforementioned baseball bat… It would be psychologically and emotionally satisfying… But as it also is probably illegal to bash people about… A wicked sharp since of sarcastic humor is the next best thing

  5. Mike, I absolutely love your blog! I found you thanks for looking up Jerry's orphans… Don't even get me started on the whole telephone thing I could be here for a year or two… At any rate… I enjoy reading what you have to say… Would you ever consider putting your books on the Kindle also I tried to subscribe to your blog on Amazon but it said that it was not available on my iOS device would you ever consider making that available? I know I would purchase and subscribe if it were… Keep up the good work love the smart ass The world needs a few more smart asses…

  6. PS… Sorry for any awkward words or misspellings I'm dictating this because it's a heck of a lot easier than typing it out… Okay I'll stop clogging up your comments now have a good day