Friday, January 12, 2018

MD + CP = CD

There was this U.S. Supreme Court case in 1927 called Buck versus Bell. It challenged a Virginia law that required the involuntary sterilization of certain cripples so they wouldn’t produce more grotesque versions of their twisted selves.

The esteemed Justices decided 8-1 that not only was it okay to sterilize cripples, it was a jolly good idea. Writing for the majority, Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. wrote, “We have seen more than once that the public welfare may call upon the best citizens for their lives. It would be strange if it could not call upon those who already sap the strength of the State for these lesser sacrifices, often not felt to be such by those concerned, to prevent our being swamped with incompetence. It is better for all the world, if instead of waiting to execute degenerate offspring for crime, or to let them starve for their imbecility, society can prevent those who are manifestly unfit from continuing their kind…Three generations of imbeciles are enough."

Nowadays it’s pretty much impossible to find a cripple, or anybody else for that matter, who doesn’t think this ruling is Grade A bullshit. But I’m not so sure anymore. I look around me and I see so much of human society going to shit that I can’t help but wonder if it’s the result of horny cripples inbreeding.

Because among the many subspecies of cripples are the muscular dystrophies (MDs) and the cerebral palsies. (CPs) If you have muscular dystrophy, your muscles gradually atrophy. If you have cerebral palsy, a certain part of your brain is fucked up and that might make you walk and/or talk funny, if you can walk and/or talk at all.

So maybe after many decades of MDs and CPs fucking each other and mixing their polluted humors they have created a monstrous hybrid condition called cerebral dystrophy (CD)—which would be a gradual atrophying of the brain. The effects of CD could be devastating. For instance, if an arrogant rich fuck runs for president and tells all the broke-ass unemployed people that he is their best friend and savior, someone with CD might actually believe it and vote for him. And when that rich fuck becomes president and gets together with other rich fucks to steal all the money for themselves and their rich fuck pals, someone with CD might actually be surprised that happened.

This is the most logical explanation I can come up with for what has been going on.

I fear that I may have unwittingly contributed to this demise. I have muscular dystrophy and the odds are good that at some drunken cripple orgy somewhere along the line I fucked somebody with cerebral palsy. If so, I sincerely, profusely and profoundly apologize to everyone. If I only knew then what I know now.





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Wednesday, January 3, 2018

A Real Kick in the Balls



It’s a real kick in the balls when you feel like you’re being penalized for being different. (You don’t have to have balls to feel it.) Needless to say, cripples feel this way all the time. And I bet amputees are the subspecies of cripple that feel it most often. If a person with one leg goes to buy shoes, they are forced to buy a second shoe they will never need. The same goes for one-armed people buying gloves.

I mean what the fuck, eh? Shouldn’t amputees get shoe and or glove discounts? Or how about a tax break? Blind people get tax breaks just for being blind so why not?

As far as I know, the glorious free market has not responded to this injustice with a chain of specialty boutiques that sell shoes and gloves by the each. Historically, when the glorious free market doesn't give a shit about the piddly little troubles of certain groups of people, those people often take matters into their own hands. So probably some enterprising amputees have formed shopping clubs where, for instance, a guy missing his left arm goes shopping with a guy missing his right arm and they go halvsies on a pair of gloves.

At least people missing one leg get a chance to feel superior when they buy socks. Since you can wear a sock on either foot, a pair of socks lasts them twice as long. I bet the smuggest amputees of all are the ones who are missing all four limbs. They don’t have to be bothered with shopping for gloves or shoes at all. They can spend their time, money and energy on more important pursuits. They scoff at us sad little losers with the proper allotment of limbs who are slaves to our hands and feet. I bet quadruple amputees are insufferable to be around. That’s why they have no friends, except each other.

There’s a guy rolling around my neighborhood in a raggedy wheelchair and I call him the asymmetrical beggar. I call him that because he’s missing an arm and a leg on opposite sides and he panhandles. His life must really suck. Even if he joined the amputee shopping club, he’d have to hook up with someone missing a leg on one side to split a pair of shoes and then someone else missing an arm on the other side for gloves. Or he'd have to find an amputee who's his asymmetrical mirror image. What a pain in the ass!

One day the window of the 7-11 downstairs was boarded up. The guy with the patchy beard who panhandles outside 7-11 told me the asymmetrical beggar smashed the window in a fit of anger. “He dranks that gin and it makes him crazy,” the guy with the patchy beard said. “And he crazy anyway.”

I think the asymmetrical beggar just snapped. He was probably fed up with being kicked in the balls.




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