As every Smart Ass Cripple aficionado knows, December is Smartass Cripple
Appreciation Month (SCAM). This is the twelfth annual SCAM, as established by
President Barrack Obama in his 2012 SCAM executive order calling upon every
American to “remember and honor the indispensable contributions Smartass
Cripple has made to the enrichment of American society.” Thus, “government
agencies, community organizations, schools, museums, cultural entities,
institutes of higher learning, houses of worship and ordinary citizens are
urged to organize displays, parades, exhibits, school assemblies and other
events that honor Smartass Cripple.”
Obama took this action for two reasons. First, it was right after he
was re-elected and let’s just say he knew he owed me big time. Second, he knows
I have the worst recorded case of Attention Deficit Disorder. I can never get
enough attention.
I had to make one small compromise. It seems that the names of all federal laws
and executive orders have to form a catchy acronym, as mandated by the Catchy
Acronym Creation Act (CACA). So I agreed to be known as Smartass Cripple
instead of Smart Ass Cripple so that Smartass Cripple Appreciation Month can
simply be referred to as SCAM.
I’m anxious to see the many ways in which my
fellow Americans rise to the occasion. If you’re inspired to put together a
SCAM activity but you’re overwhelmed by the myriad of possibilities, I urge you
to just listen to your heart.
It’s not too late to put together a SCAM event in your town. You can
organize a fun group activity that appropriately celebrates Smart Ass Cripple,
such as a parade or an orgy. (Please invite me to the latter.) Or, taking
up a collection for Smartass Cripple is always a good idea. Since it’s the
holiday season, I suggest you dress like Santa Claus and stand outside of
stores ringing a bell with one hand and shaking a red donation kettle with the
other hand. And send all proceeds to Smartass Cripple.
But if you
still need ideas, one SCAM thing you could do is form a humanitarian
organization called Habitat for Smart Ass Cripple and mobilize volunteers
to build houses for me. That would be a good way for you to prove that you love me.
(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.)
https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI
