Free Meals

 Another good thing about being crippled is that you get a lot of free meals out of the deal, if you play your cards right. 

It has happened to me many  times. One time I was eating alone in a Greek restaurant and when it came time for me to pay the waiter told me that someone had picked up my check for me. I wondered who that could be. I looked around and I saw an older guy across the room who was also sitting at a table alone. He held up his water goblet and toasted me. I thought about toasting him back to say thank you. But then I wondered if he might be some kind of pervert and the reason he bought my dinner was not because I was crippled but because he thought I was cute. Or, even worse, maybe he thought I was cute because I’m crippled. So I just let it be.

And then there was the  time that I went to the pub  I frequented often. This other crippled guy frequented it often, too. But he wasn’t a wheelchair cripple. He was what everybody used to call retarded.  (Don’t call them that anymore.} I don’t know what genre he was of. I just assume that he wasn’t Down Syndrome because they all look alike and he didn’t look like any of them.

Anyway,  he was always alone. He sat at the bar a lot and I never saw him talking to anybody else. But one day he came and  sat at my table with me. We ate and drank and didn’t talk much. And when the check came he snatched it up and walked away. But a little while later the server returned with the unpaid check. He said that that guy often drops checks on the bar without any money and  leaves. And I ended up paying the whole damn thing!

Now there was a cripple who really knew how to play his cards when it came to scoring free meals.

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