The Miracle of Farting

If it wasn’t for farts, I’d probably be a staunch atheist. Because I find the concept of God to be rather silly. And maybe that’s because I’ve always found that the people who believe in God most passionately tend to see him (always a him) as some fantasy immortal up in the sky who performs magic tricks. I can see why people believed stuff like that several centuries ago. We didn’t know much back then about the loud and scary world we live in. If thunder and lightning was all around, we didn’t know what the hell it was so we just shrugged and figured that God must be pissed off at us about something. We could only take a wild guess as to what we did to piss him off so much. But we’ve learned a lot since then about how things work. So you’d think that we’d all stop believing in God at about the same age that we stopped believing in Santa Claus. But when I contemplate the phenomenon of farting (as I often do}, suddenly I’m not so sure. Because a fart occurs when a creature with a butthole releases some of its internal sewer gas via that butthole and sometimes it makes a sound like a trumpet and sometimes it stinks. It is always inappropriate and awkward to fart in public so therefore farts are always funny. In all of the time that I have spent contemplating the phenomenon of farting, I have yet to come up with a scenario where it strikes me as sad or tragic or anything other than funny. Thus, I conclude that farts are a perfect creation in terms of their predictability and therefore God must’ve thought them up as part of her grand plan. God, in her infinite wisdom, must’ve known that living in our loud and scary world would be relentlessly stressful and we would all need some comic relief in order to get by. So she said, “Let there be farts!” It gives me a great feeling of awe. Some people feel that way when they see mountains or a sunset or a child. They think it’s too perfectly beautiful to be an accident so it must be a divine creation I feel that way about farts. (Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.) https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-nvFX30Mk2fJx9uI