Newsworthiness

There is definitely something to be said for not being absurdly rich and famous. One big benefit that I can think of is that Cosmo will never want to write about me. And I hope I can keep it that way. Take, for example, that Taylor Swift chick. She’s reached that ridiculous level of fame where she could record herself farting and distribute it to radio stations and they’d all play it over and over again. And then she’d go on a world tour.’ So of course Cosmo wants to write all about her as often as they can. They ran something not long ago that went into great detail about the outfit she wore when she went out in public recently, right down to the accessories, which included a purse that cost more than $3,000. And in the pictures of her the purse didn’t look any different than the purses my mother would pay $10 for at Montgomery Ward. I wondered if the fact that she was the kind of celebrity who could and would pay more than $3,000 for a damn purse is why Cosmo deemed her as newsworthy But I bet that after Taylor Swift paid more than $3,000 for her new purse, she still had plenty of money left to put in it. I bet it wasn’t anything like the time I bought a money clip from a street vendor. After I paid him for it, all I had was an empty clip. So I’m confident that Cosmo will continue to be disinterested in me as long as I keep buying most of my wardrobe at Target and Costco, since Montgomery Ward no longer exists. (Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.) https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH

Rude Cripples

It hit me that I could probably get away with being a lot more rude than I already am, just because I’m crippled. Take, for example, that time when I finished checking out at the grocery store and I headed for the exit, which was down a narrow passageway. Behind me were three verts (which is what I call people who walk because it’s short for vertical). Because I usually drive my motorized wheelchair slowly, especially when I am trying to maneuver through tight spaces, I stopped and let the verts go ahead of me. I was just trying to be polite because I figured that they would never be able to zip past me in the narrow passageway and I didn’t want to hold them up. It’s like getting stuck behind some pokey-ass driver on the Interstate. So the verts all hustled past me and then I wondered what would’ve happened if I hadn't decided to be polite. Suppose I just went first and made all the verts walk real slow behind me. I’m sure that they would have been tempted to do like they would do when they get stuck behind a pokey-ass driver on the Interstate and speed around me, giving me the finger as they passed. But I know that none of them would’ve actually done that for fear that some surveillance camera might catch them in the act of being mean to a cripple and that footage would be forever immortalized on the internet. In that regard, I am a member of a protected class. The poor verts probably would have just plodded along behind me, trying not to show that they were seething inside. If I was a vert walking real slow and holding them up like that they probably would have impatiently pushed on past me. But since I am crippled, they would have had to just put up with it. As I watched the verts scurrying away, I must admit that I was mad at myself for blowing a golden opportunity to be rude. And then I was mad at myself for being mad at myself for something as silly as that. (Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.) https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-