(Smart Ass Cripple Disclaimer: Once again it is my sad duty to report
that the following story is true.)
Some people will track the beginning of the collapse of American society
to a cataclysmic event that occurred in December
2012 in Cranston, Rhode Island. It was the day Michelle “Chelley” Martinka went
grocery shopping.
Chelley came across a jar of Cains brand pickles called kosher dill
midgets. This disturbed her. Her eight-month-old daughter, Adelaide, had recently been diagnosed with Achondroplasia,
a form of dwarfism.
So Chelley made a video and put it on YouTube. It’s more or less an open
letter to the distributor of the pickles. Over a montage of pictures of
Adelaide, she gently but firmly explains that a lot of little people think the
word midget is deeply offensive. About a month later, she was contacted by a
representative from Gedney Foods, the distributor of the pickles, who informed
her that the word midget would be dropped from future labels.
The news spread fast through a lot of media outlets. Chelley wrote about her
pickle adventure on her blog. Here’s a
small sample of the hate mail comments her action inspired:
Idiot A: Dwarfism is
genetic. She should be mad at herself and the child's father....not a pickle
company.
Idiot B: It scares me that this type of hyper-political
correctness is threatening our First Amendment right to free speech… Let me
enjoy my pickles with the original name printed on them. ..You are an
unbelievably pompous ass. .. The truth is, you’ve been dealt a card you’re not
comfortable dealing with and the shame lies within you about your daughter.
You’re the one who is small. Shame on
you.
Idiot C: Maybe you shouldn’t have been shooting herion (sic) during your
pregnancy… Where’s the dad? Do you even know him? By the looks of it ET is the
dad.
Chelley says someone even tracked down her street address and sent a
scornful (and anonymous, of course) letter to her home. “It was amazing,” she
says about all vitriol. “At first I cried a little bit and then I said ‘This is
dumb.’ People are reacting from behind a screen. It feels like bullying. Adult
bullying.”
But Gary Arnold, president of Little People of America, has Chelley’s back. His letter of inquiry to
the U.S. Department of Agriculture prompted a review of what the agency calls its
Commercial Item Descriptions for
food products. USDA discovered that the
term midget is one of its official description categories not just for certain
pickles but also for shelled pecans, canned lima beans, processed raisins, canned
mushrooms and trail mix. Arnold has received assurance from the FDA that
this language will be updated soon.
So the idiots better hurry before all is
lost. They need to organize and launch a
campaign to pressure the USDA to stand up for traditional family values and
retain the word midget. Like Idiot B says, if they can’t call their favorite
pickles midgets anymore, they just won’t taste the same.
