Suzy and Einstein: A Libertarian Success Story

Suzy Sham is a true libertarian success story. She is living proof that the Texas Teach a Handicapped Man to Fish Act is legislation that really works.

The Teach a Handicapped Man to Fish Act was passed by the Texas legislature to inspire broke ass cripples in Texas who were living off public programs to get off their duffs and pursue the American dream. This law took a tough love approach. All public programs serving broke ass cripples were terminated. And instead all the cripples on those programs received a mule.

Why a mule? Because mules are symbols of the American dream. Mules are synonymous with hard work. Many great corporations began with just an enterprising man and his mule. And so the idea was to free these broke ass cripples from the paralysis of their victimized mindsets, to challenge them to find creative ways to use their mules to help them build lives of economic self-sufficiency.

Well of course all the broke ass cripples bitched and protested and protested and bitched. But not Suzy. She seized the opportunity and with the help of her mule she went from being just another broke ass cripple living in public housing to being a successful business woman with a luxury condo in Vegas and a summer home in Aspen.

But things started out rocky to say the least for Suzy and her mule. When the dumb-looking creature was delivered to her home, all she could do was sit there in her wheelchair and cry. She cried and cried for three days until finally the mule said, “I’m sorry you’re so sad, Suzy.” The sobbing abruptly stopped. Suzy looked her mule in the eye. “You can talk?” she said. “Yep,” said the mule. “And I’m the only talking mule in the whole wide world.”

Suzy yelped with joy. Her pupils turned into dollar signs. She kissed the mule on his smelly old snout. Since this was the smartest mule ever, Suzy named him Einstein. Suzy and Einstein worked up a stage act. Suzy contacted a talent agency.

And today Suzy Sham and Her Talking Mule are the hottest act in Vegas. It always brings down the house when Suzy plays the ukulele while Einstein sings Moon River.

So whenever the cripples bitch and protest and demand their public programs back, the Texas legislature trots out the story of Suzy and Einstein. Suzy is a shining example of someone who didn’t let being handicapped stop her from going out there and claiming her piece of the American dream!

If she can do it, everybody can!


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