The Oscar people are making a big push to make sure more cripples work in the filmmaking industry, both on and off camera.
Starting in 2024, in order to win an Oscar for Best Picture,
a film will have to have a certain number of people in the film or involved in
the production or distribution who aren’t your standard white, heterosexual,
uncrippled males.
That sounds good. It ought to constructively address at
least some of the criticism Hollywood has come under for a long time for having
so very few genuine cripples appearing in movies, writing screenplays, etc.
But again, this doesn’t take effect until 2024. If the Oscar
people wanted to get more genuinely crippled people on camera a lot sooner,
they could hire a bunch of us to be seat-fillers. Everybody knows that in the
audience of every Oscar broadcast there are some regular pedestrians who are hired to
occupy the seats of movie stars when they get up to go present an award, take a
piss, etc. It gives the illusion of a full house. That seems like the perfect
job for someone like a Down Syndrome guy. Just put him in a tuxedo and sit him down. But I’ve never seen a genuinely crippled person in the audience at the
Oscars except maybe guys like Christopher Reeve who have a good excuse for being
crippled. The reason there aren’t a lot of genuine cripples in Oscar audiences
is probably the same reason there aren’t a lot of genuine cripples in
Hollywood movies. We’re too jolting. If the camera is panning the Oscar audience
and suddenly there’s a Down Syndrome guy in a tux, that gets everyone’s
attention and it upstages the stars. First and foremost, I imagine, a
seat-filler must blend in and not detract any attention from the stars.
Cripples suck at blending in.
Another time you never see genuine cripples is on those faith
healer preacher shows on television. There are never any genuine cripples in
the line to be healed. Nobody who is all spazzed out and drooly ever receives a
stiff arm to the forehand from the preacher and then suddenly becomes all suave
and eloquent. You never see an amputee sprout a limb. Before I die, I want to
get in one of those lines to be faith healed on television just so, when I get
to the front of the line, I can watch the preacher shit his pants. But I’d
probably never make it to the front of the line. The preacher’s security goons
would probably intercept me and escort me out.
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