Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Special Needs

When they talk about people who have “special needs,” just whom are they talking about? I think they think they’re talking about me.

Oh shit! If that’s the case then that officially makes me “needy.” That means I’m screwed because nobody likes needy people.

I don’t feel like they’re talking about me when they say “special needs.” I can’t think of anything I need that’s all that special. I need to eat, sleep and eliminate bodily waste. I need to breathe.  I need to get up out of bed every day and go do something. I need to wash the crud off of my body. I need to laugh. Nothing special about all that. I need to get laid. (Maybe that’s where the special part comes in, at least as far as cripples are concerned.)

When I think of people with special needs, I think of like vampires. Vampires need to drink virgin blood every day in order to stay “alive.” They can’t get by on burgers and fries like the rest of us. Vampires need to sleep in coffins during daylight hours. Now those are special needs.

Vampires are needy as hell! I know that vampires are a bad example of human neediness because they’re make-believe. And yes, I do acknowledge that there are real live humans who do indeed have very special, very extraordinary needs that place a heavy burden on the rest of society. The most obvious example is Trump. There’s one needy sonuvabitch for you. That guy needs a constant, endless flow of money. He needs money like the rest of us need oxygen. He thinks he’ll die if he doesn’t get more money. No matter how much money he has today, he needs to have more tomorrow. His need for money is far beyond special. It’s grotesque.

Unfortunately, Trump is not make-believe. And he’s not the only person with this type of special need. And almost all of those with this terrible affliction are verts (which is short for verticals, which is slang for people who walk). But when someone says “special needs,” they’re never talking about verts. They’re always talking about cripples.

Nobody wants to be perceived as needy because nobody likes needy people. We all act like we love the needy but we don’t. The only people who like hanging around needy people are heavy duty codependent types. I bet if somebody took a survey to determine the leading reasons why people get dumped by their lovers, at the top of the list would be neediness. “He/she was just tooooo needy.”

That’s the way it works. Don’t get too needy or you’ll get dumped.