Monday, January 25, 2021

The New Braves



Well it looks like all the racist sports team names are finally going down. I never thought I’d see the day when the Washington Redskins would be no more.  

And the Cleveland Indians say they’re going to ditch their name someday real soon. Honest they will! Scout's honor! So that means the Atlanta Braves are next. They might as well give up. If the Redskins and the Indians couldn’t hold out they sure as hell can’t. But there’s no need for them to overreact like the Redskins did. The Redskins went so far as to change the name of their football team to the football team. But like I’ve said before, they could have kept their original name. All they had to do was change their logo from an Indian head to a redskin potato.  

And there’s no need for the Braves to panic either. They can keep their team name if they make a little tweak. They just have to make their team mascot a cripple. Because cripples are often synonymous with bravery. We’re often told how brave and courageous we are just because we’re crippled.   

The reason I’m advocating for all this is because I think there could be a job in it for me. I figure I could get a job as the Braves mascot. It doesn’t matter a whole lot how much it pays because I probably wouldn’t have to do much, which, to me, is the most appealing feature of any job. Cripples don’t have to do much to earn the medal of courage. All we have to do, pretty much, is get out of bed in the morning. People don’t expect much from cripples so if we do anything, like breathe, it’s considered to be an amazing display of bravery.  

So if I was the mascot for the Braves, all I’d have to do to exhibit my exemplary bravery would be to show up—at home games or children’s hospitals or any of the places team mascots go to represent. I wouldn't need a costume. I wouldn’t have to dance or do clown shtick or anything like that. All cripples have to do to get everybody to say how brave we are is just show up. Hell, I could even catch up on my sleep and nobody would care. Just showing up would be my shtick. 

What a marvelous scenario! The Braves get to keep their name without offending anyone and I get a job where I get paid for doing nothing! Everybody wins!  

(Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us carry on. Just click below to contribute.)