Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Mommy, What Brought on the Nuclear Apocalypse?

I betcha Trump’s absolute fave day of the whole year is March 21. That’s gotta be the day when he loves being president most of all! That’s the one day of the year when he gets to act like he gives a crap about someone other than himself and nobody gives him any shit about it.

March 21 is Word Down Syndrome Day. This year he invited some adults with Down syndrome to visit the White House. And of course there was a photo op. That’s the whole point of inviting them.

On that day Trump tweeted, “Today we celebrate the lives and achievements of Americans with Down Syndrome. I will always stand with these wonderful families, and together we will always stand for LIFE!”

I betcha Trump thinks the most wonderful thing about Down Syndrome people is if he invites them to the White House, they’re not going to boycott his sorry ass. They’re not like those uppity black athletes or those snooty girl soccer players who won’t come if he invites them because they think he’s a jackass.

But I'm sure Trump’s convinced he can trust the Down syndrome people not to pull a stunt like that. He probably doesn’t even screen them before letting them into the White House. “Down syndrome people? Bring ‘em all on! These people are loyal.” And there’s nothing Trump loves more than loyalty. “Down syndrome people don’t worry their little heads about things like political issues.”

I betcha Down syndrome people are his favorite cripples because he thinks they’re warm and cuddly and they don’t talk back, just like a stuffed animal. That’s how all cripples used to be back in the good old days.

But there are plenty of Down syndrome people who would gladly blow Trump off. So I hope he makes a mistake someday and invites some of them to the White House. A bunch of Down syndrome people hold a press conference and say, “We don’t want anything to do with that jackass!”

Wouldn’t that be great? Imagine Trump’s twitter tantrum: “Don’t listen to the Down Syndrome BOOBS! Fake cripples! They should all go back to Mongolia!”

That would rock the shit out of Trump’s world. But as much as I delight in the thought of that happening, part of me hopes it never does. Because if Trump is betrayed by the Down syndrome people, he wouldn’t trust anybody anymore. The only way for him to regain a glimmer of his shattered self-esteem would be to start a nuclear war.

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