Tuesday, January 5, 2021

Genuine Cripples Sitting in for Movie Stars and Gettiing Faith Healed


The Oscar people are making a big push to make sure more cripples work in the filmmaking industry, both on and off camera.

Starting in 2024, in order to win an Oscar for Best Picture, a film will have to have a certain number of people in the film or involved in the production or distribution who aren’t your standard white, heterosexual, uncrippled males.

That sounds good. It ought to constructively address at least some of the criticism Hollywood has come under for a long time for having so very few genuine cripples appearing in movies, writing screenplays, etc.

But again, this doesn’t take effect until 2024. If the Oscar people wanted to get more genuinely crippled people on camera a lot sooner, they could hire a bunch of us to be seat-fillers. Everybody knows that in the audience of every Oscar broadcast there are some regular pedestrians who are hired to occupy the seats of movie stars when they get up to go present an award, take a piss, etc. It gives the illusion of a full house. That seems like the perfect job for someone like a Down Syndrome guy. Just put him in a tuxedo and sit him down. But I’ve never seen a genuinely crippled person in the audience at the Oscars except maybe guys like Christopher Reeve who have a good excuse for being crippled. The reason there aren’t a lot of genuine cripples in Oscar audiences is probably the same reason there aren’t a lot of genuine cripples in Hollywood movies. We’re too jolting. If the camera is panning the Oscar audience and suddenly there’s a Down Syndrome guy in a tux, that gets everyone’s attention and it upstages the stars. First and foremost, I imagine, a seat-filler must blend in and not detract any attention from the stars. Cripples suck at blending in.

Another time you never see genuine cripples is on those faith healer preacher shows on television. There are never any genuine cripples in the line to be healed. Nobody who is all spazzed out and drooly ever receives a stiff arm to the forehand from the preacher and then suddenly becomes all suave and eloquent. You never see an amputee sprout a limb. Before I die, I want to get in one of those lines to be faith healed on television just so, when I get to the front of the line, I can watch the preacher shit his pants. But I’d probably never make it to the front of the line. The preacher’s security goons would probably intercept me and escort me out.

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