Expressing pain through sarcasm since 2010. Welcome to the official site for bitter cripples (and those who love them). Smart Ass Cripple has been voted World's Biggest Smart Ass by J.D. Power and Associates.
There’s a caregiver agency called Home Instead. There’s
another one called Home Again.
There are probably a bunch of others with Home in their name.
There ought to be one called Home Forevermore because that would be honest. These agencies with Home in their names make it seem like all the people who
use their services ever want to do is stay home all the time.
Maybe that’s true for some but not for me. That’s for damn
sure. And I’m one of those people who uses services like theirs. Except I don’t
use an agency. That’s also for damn sure. It’s ironic that they call them agencies
because if you hire them you don’t have any agency. They just dispatch a
stranger dressed in surgical scrubs. I have people come in and help me every day but I hire
and train them myself and I fire them if I have to. I can’t believe anybody
would want it any other way. And the wages of the people who work for me are
paid by our tax dollars through a state program. And I don’t call the people
who work for me caregivers. That word grates on me. It sounds too much like
babysitter, I guess. I call them my pit crew. And I don’t let them wear
surgical scrubs. I’d let them go naked before I’d let them wear surgical
scrubs. I feel it’s my obligation to educate the masses by showing that not
every cripple has to be constantly accompanied by a medical professional.
In the advertising of the caregiver agencies, the cripples
and old people receiving the care are always home. It’s like the cripples are
on house arrest. And they’re always happy as hell about it. It’s like their
only goal in life is to stay home all the time and the job of their caregivers
is to keep them there. I suppose being at home all the time beats the hell out of
being looked up in some stinkin nursing home all the time, if those are your
But if all an agency is going to do is send people to just keep me comfy at home, that sounds like a nursing home on wheels to me. If I had to stay home all the time I’d go nuts. I’m super
susceptible to cabin fever. If I had to stay home all the time I’d feel like I’m
in hospice. Now don’t get me wrong. I got nothing against people in hospice.
Some of my best friends are in hospice. Well, they were. Far be it from me to
engage in terminal illness shaming. If I was terminally ill, I wouldn’t be
ashamed to admit it. I’d hold my head high.I wouldn’t try to pretend I’m somebody I’m not.
But I’m not terminally ill yet. So until the time comes, I’m interested
in getting out and about a lot. That’s why I have a pit crew. I have things to
see and people to do. There’ll be plenty of time for that sitting around doing
nothing stuff when I’m terminally ill, or after I’m dead.
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