Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Indignant for the Dogs

I used to live near a city park where people walked so many different breeds of their pet dogs that it looked like an audition call for the Westminster Kennel Club, with some mutts mixed in.

It was a big pick-up scene. People used their dogs as an excuse to break the ice, to engage someone with whom they sought further hormonal engagement, if you know what I mean. A couple humans would steer their leashed dogs in the same direction until the dogs were close enough to sniff each other up.

And then the humans started sniffing each other up. One said something like, “That’s a mighty cute Pekinese you got there.”

And the other human replied, “Thank you. And you have quite a schnauzer.”

I know the dogs didn’t know they were being cheaply exploited, but I felt indignant on their behalf. I was once in their position when I went to Jerry Lewis summer camp for crippled kids. It was also a big pick up scene. The same thing happened there. The male human pushing my wheelchair steered me toward a criplet girl in a wheelchair so we could sniff each other up. But I was never interested in sniffing those girls. Nor were they interested in sniffing me. And sure enough, there would be my male human sniffing up the female human who was pushing the criplet girl’s wheelchair. This has probably happened to every cripple who’s gone to summer camp.

Taking your dog for a walk in the park can be an aphrodisiac. It demonstrates that you are a kind, nurturing and sensitive person who isn’t afraid to show their tender side. That's a big turn on for some people. Pushing a criplet in a wheelchair around summer camp works the same magic.

I’m sure this mating ritual still goes on in parks and at cripple summer camps around the world today. So, speaking for the cripples, please allow me to take this opportunity to say fuck off. I’m not authorized to speak for the dogs.

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