Sunday, February 7, 2021

Screw Mt. Everest




Another reason I know I’m not no way no how one of those cripples who “overcomes” is because there’s a certain Mt. Everest element to it all. And that ain’t me.

Because what drives a person to climb Mt. Everest is a spirit of conquest. You do it just for the sake of doing it. But I say screw Mt. Everest. It not like when you get to the top there’s a pot of gold or the gift of eternal life or anything like that waiting for you. All that’s on top of Mt. Everest is a lot of snow and, I imagine, an awesome view. But climbing Mt. Everest doesn’t sound like fun to me because it’s too goddam cold. You have to wear three parkas to stay warm on Mt. Everest and I don’t know about you but it’s pretty near impossible for me to have fun while wearing a single parka, let alone three.

Overcomer cripples, at least as depicted in the movies and on the news and stuff, are filled with that same Mt. Everest spirit of conquest. They dramatically rise from their wheelchairs and walk haltingly across the stage to receive their diploma or down the aisle to get married or whatever. You know the drill.

To illustrate my point, please allow me to use the quest for beer as a metaphor for my life. There’s a bar across the street from me that has three steps on the front, which makes it like Mt. Everest to me. It beckons me to conquer it. But I’ve never even tried to go inside. Now an overcomer cripple would’ve tried to go inside long ago, even if it meant getting out or their wheelchair and painstakingly scooting up the steps one by one, because they would be motivated by the Mt. Everest spirit of conquest. They’d want to do it just for the sake of doing it. But my motivation for going into the bar across the street would be beer. And fortunately for me, there are plenty of other places around here where I can get beer with going through all that conquest pain in the ass stuff. So why do it the hard way? I guess that makes me more of a navigator cripple, trying to get a beer (so to speak)  with the least amount of overcoming.

Oh sure, there are times when I feel a strong urge to conquer the bar across the street.  But I’d be more inclined to do so in the form of a lawsuit or something like that. I’d be driven by a desire to assert my right to not drink their beer by choice.

So I’ll probably never be motivated to climb Mt. Everest, unless, for some weird reason, it ends up being the only place on earth where there’s beer.

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