Expressing pain through sarcasm since 2010. Welcome to the official site for bitter cripples (and those who love them). Smart Ass Cripple has been voted World's Biggest Smart Ass by J.D. Power and Associates.
Tuesday, April 17, 2018
Back when I was a criplet attending cripple summer camp, there was an adult woman also attending summer camp who was so crippled that they rolled her around on a gurney. She was so crippled she couldn’t even sit up
I admit she freaked me out, even though she didn’t have fangs or anything. She seemed like a normal woman, except she rolled around on a gurney. She freaked me out because she was so crippled. I was glad I wasn’t that crippled.
But now there are days when I really wish I was that crippled. Those are the days when I’m protesting. On those days, if I was so crippled that I rolled around on a gurney, I’d feel so powerful.
Yep, if that was me I’d be marching through the streets with my gurney all done up like a float. And hanging on both sides of my gurney I'd have big banners saying stuff like FUCK REPUBLICANS.
And I'd be sure to always carry along a couple sets of shackles so that the people pushing my gurney could shackle me to the White House fence. That ought to make a few headlines, especially if I got arrested. Or my pushers could shackle me to the desk of some fascist lawmaker. Because there’s nothing every lawmaker dreads more than their secretary calling them and saying, “I’m sorry to bother you but there’s a man so crippled that he rolls around on a gurney shackled to your desk.”
And when I wasn’t protesting in the streets, I’d be trying to organize other people so crippled that they roll around on gurneys to come protest with me. Because the only thing that scares the shit out of a lawmaker more than the sight of a guy so crippled he rolls around on a gurney coming their way is the sight of a flotilla of people so crippled they roll around on gurneys coming their way.
When I protest, I’m very tempted fake like I’m so crippled I roll around on a gurney. I’d do it up big time, with a fake IV and all. But no doubt some right wing news outfit, threatened by my awesome power, will expose me as a fake. And that will be used to discredit all those who are legitimately so crippled they roll around on gurneys.
So for now I just have to accept the fact that I’m not yet so crippled I roll around on a gurney. I’ll just be patient and let nature take its course and maybe someday I’ll be that powerful.
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Posted by Smart Ass Cripple at 6:22 PM 2 comments:
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