Sunday, May 28, 2023

Updating my Pit Crew Want Ad

I’m looking to hire someone to join my pit crew. That’s what I call the people who come to my home every day and help me do stuff like get out of bed and get dressed.

So I have to update the want ad I usually post. I feel like I have to make it clear, among other things, that I don’t have a piano. Because I  like to be up front about what the job entails so applicants will understand what they are signing up for. And there’s been a lot of commercials on televion lately for home healthcare agencies. And these commercials feature a video montage of what it’s like to be paid to go into someone’s home and help them out, like my pit crew does for me. It shows stuff like the caregiver sitting on a piano bench next to an old person and singing along joyously while that old person plays and sings old time standards.

That’s why I feel compeled to include in my ad that I don’t have a piano. Because if someone saw any of those commercials, they’ll surely get the wrong idea of what the job is all about.

I also remember seeing in a montage a caregiver leading an old person by the arm to the gazebo in the backyard. I don’t have a gazebo. Hell, I don’t even have a backyard.

And I remember seeing in the montage an old man painting a still life of sunflowers. So I should probably mention in my ad that I don’t paint sunflowers.

I never see in the montages anybody doing the kind of stuff my pit crew people do for me, like hauling my ass on and off the crapper or giving me a shower.

That’s why I think I ought to update my ad. I wouldn’t want anybody to think that this job is all glamour.

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