Expressing pain through sarcasm since 2010. Welcome to the official site for bitter cripples (and those who love them). Smart Ass Cripple has been voted World's Biggest Smart Ass by J.D. Power and Associates.
This is the time of year when everybody reflects on how far
cripples have progressed over the last few decades or so because July 26 is the
anniversary of the signing of the Americans with Disabilities Act in 1990.
Well one thing I can say about how the ADA has changed my
life is I don’t have to fake like I have a doctor’s appointment anymore. I used
to have to do that a lot back in the 1970s and early 1980s, before the ADA was
a glimmer. There was all kinds of public transportation in Chicago but none of it was wheelchair
accessible so if a cripple like me needed to go somewhere and if
they didn’t have a car they could drive, they had to call MOSCH, the Mayor’s
Office for Senior Citizens and the Handicapped. (Well okay, that’s another
thing that’s changed for the better since those days. We don’t get referred to as handicapped
anymore. They used to call us that in the press all the time, but not now. And
the government agencies that are supposed to serve us sure as hell don’t call
us that. The ADA isn’t called the Americans
with Handicaps Act.)
MOSCH would dispatch a van equipped with a wheelchair lift to
pick you up if you were lucky enough to get through before they were all booked
up. And their limited hours we something like 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Monday thru
Friday. And they would only take you to doctor’s appointments.
So what I did if I wanted to go somewhere was figure out what
hospital, clinic, dentist’s office, etc. was nearby and I’d have the MOSCH van
driver drop me off there and I’d go inside and wait for the driver to be far
enough away and then I’d go to where I really wanted to go. And then I’d hustle
back to the medical place in time for my pick up. And all the time in between
when I roamed the streets I lived in fear that a van driver would see me and
report me to their superiors and my lone source of independent transportation
would be cut off, even though I’d never heard a confirmed case of that actually
happening to anybody .
The people at MOSCH probably thought I was the sickliest
cripple on earth since I was always seeing doctors all over the city. Sometimes
when riding in the van I wondered if I should fake a hacking coughing fit just
to maintain my cover.
But I don’t have to live that stressful lie anymore. All the
buses and most of the train stations are wheelchair accessible now and none of
the drivers or train operators give a shit where I’m going or why. They just shut
up and take me there.
So at least there’s that. But it’s a lot.
P.S. But of course not all cripples are this lucky. A lot of cripples who are stuck in nursing homes or places like that where someone else runs your fucking life for you still have to fake being sick. Sometimes the only way to get the hell out of one of those places is to pretend you're having a heart attack so they have to call an ambulance for you. They only take you to the hospital and back, but at least you see a little damn daylight.
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