Wednesday, April 14, 2021

Expedited Shipping of Sex Toys


 I checked out a couple of sites on the internet that sell sex toys. I couldn’t help myself. I was too curious.

I had to know if these sites offered expedited shipping, where, for an extra cost, you can receive your purchase the next day.  Because all the other websites, where you can buy stuff like toothpaste and shoes, offer expedited shipping. And sure enough, both of the sex toy sites offered it, too.

I wondered what kind of sex toy emergency might arise where someone would absolutely have to have it the next day. I suppose there could be a scenario where someone has a hot date lined up and, like a dumbass, they didn’t plan ahead and here it is the night before and now they have to scramble in order to get everything all lined up.

I imagine expedited shipping of sex toys is illegal in some states. If so, I’m sure it’s probably states where there are a lot of tight-ass religious types in charge. The tight-ass religious types are the ones most freaked out about sex toys. It’s not sex toys per se that they have such a problem with. It’s fun that freaks them out. Fun terrifies them. Fun is the devil. And there’s nothing more fun than sex toys. Having fun is the whole point of sex toys.

I bet if the tight-ass religious people could have things completely their way, the sale possession of sex toys would be a felony. But even they must realize the futility of that sort of mandated abstinence. I bet humans have been playing with sex toys for as long as there have been humans, or reasonable facsimiles of humans. I bet Neanderthals made sex toys out of found objects, like pine cones and dead beavers. Playing with sex toys is one of those things like drinking and dancing. A good number of people will always figure out a way to do it, even if it’s against the law or mama’s religion. If people can’t buy sex toys on the free market, they’ll buy back alley sex toys and that can lead to all kinds of painful consequences, like tongue splinters.

So if the tight-ass religious types can’t completely ban sex toys, they’ll do like they do when it comes to abortion. They’ll find ways to limit access every chance they get. Making expedited shipping of sex toys illegal would be their sneaky little way of instituting a cooling-off period.

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