Friday, February 12, 2016

Marriage Equality for Broke Ass Cripples

Now that same sex marriage is legal in every state, gay broke ass cripples who want to get married will be screwed over by Social Security the same as opposite sex broke ass cripples who want to get married. That’s marriage equality.

The broke assiest of the broke ass cripples are those who receive Social Security SSI monthly payments. The richest of them gets the SSI maximum, which is $733 for an individual or $1,100 for a married couple when both receive SSI.

Now I suck at math but when I add $733 and $733 I get $1466. So if two broke ass cripples get married, they each get docked $183.

And if you think you can get around that by living together in sin and not getting married, ha ha ha on you. The Social Security people can investigate you and if they find that you and your "roommate" do stuff married people do, like put both of your names on your mortgage or introduce the other as your spouse, they can dock you anyway.

I’m not bringing you the breaking news here. This marriage penalty has been around forever. Various movements of cripples and cripophiles have tried to strike it down.

But it endures. I don’t know why. I wonder if it’s because some people see broke ass cripple marriage as a threat to the sanctity of marriage. Maybe they believe it violates the traditional definition of marriage, which is the union of one man and one woman who aren’t both broke ass cripples. It’s the old slippery slope argument. “If we let two broke ass cripples get married, then why not let a man marry a giraffe?”

Or maybe two broke ass cripples getting married goes against the Bible somehow. So I checked out Leviticus. There’s all kind of stuff in there about who it’s immoral to have sex with, like any woman who is another man’s slave, but nothing specifically or vaguely addressing broke ass cripples. In Biblical times, I guess cripples marrying was too ridiculous of an idea to even ponder.

So the force standing in the way of two broke ass cripples openly and freely getting married must be a force much more powerful than morality. It must be money. I’m sure the Congressional Budget Office or some such sober entity has determined that the global economy will collapse and anarchy will ensue if broke ass cripples are allowed to keep $183 a month.

Yep, two broke ass cripples getting married is a threat to our very civilization.

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