Permission to Call me Cripple

If you are a steady reader of my stuff, then, by the power vested in me by me, I hereby give you my blessing to call me cripple. I figure if you can read something called Smart Ass Cripple and keep coming back for more, you must be a person of great moral fortitude. But please note that this blessing only applies to me and you. If you call the next cripple that comes along a cripple they might take offense. I can’t speak for anyone else. But what matters most to me is who’s saying it and what they mean by it. Like for instance, take that vile bigot Charlie Kirk, who just died. (That’s right, if you came here looking for someone to heap praise upon a creep like that as if he’s some kind of saint or something, you’ve definitely come to the wrong place. As a matter of fact, I think you should leave right now! Do not pass Go, do not collect 200! Just get the hell out of here now! I don’t want you here! And the blessing I issued earlier to call me cripple doesn’t apply to you! You’ve done nothing to earn it! You’re not a person of great moral fortitude!) That Kirk guy went around trashing transgender people left and right. So if he uses the word tranny, it’s safe to assume that he means it as a put down. But I have a good friend and assistant who is transgender and has always come through for me. And even though I am not transgender and she is not crippled, I call her tranny all the time and she calls me cripple. And she calls herself a tranny and she calls all of her transgender friends trannies. It’s like that Jerry Lewis guy. For years he hosted that annoying telethon where he went on national television and tried to convince the millions of viewers that being crippled was the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone, but uncrippled people could make everything better by just calling in a pledge to the number on the screen. I heard him use the word cripple and it offended me a lot because I knew what he meant by it. I would never give anyone like that permission to call me cripple, nor would any self-respecting cripple that I know. (Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.) https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-

Why I Never Cheer for Team U.S.A.

I never cheer for Team U.S.A. That’s curious because it’s not like I’m one of those guys who never gets sucked in by sports. I often wish I was one of those guys. I spend way too much time and energy following my local sports teams. I know that hardly any of the players on those teams have ever come from these parts and that the games are only another form of entertainment. But when these teams break my heart, as they often do, I envy those who genuinely don’t care. But when it comes to international athletic competitions, such as the Olympics, not only can I not cheer for U.S.A. athletes to win, but I find myself cheering for whichever country’s athletes are competing against us to kick our butts. I think it’s because I think that the main reason a lot of people are so passionate about international athletic competitions is because of the political implications. If your country beats another country in a track and field match, it’s like you beat them in a war. And I would never want anyone to think that I am one of those annoying guys who goes around pumping his fist and chanting “U-S-A! U-S-A!” whenever Team U.S.A. wins. But I think that’s what it’s all about for a lot of people. They feel that everything is all right with the universe, and God is still on the throne, as long as the U.S. continues to prove that it is superior to every other country in every way. About the only team sport that I don’t care much for is soccer. It may be fun to play but I find it boring to watch. An exciting game ends in a 0-0 tie. But one thing that I really love about soccer is that Team USA always sucks at it, or at least our men’s team always does. (Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.) https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH

Small Town Cripples

It is indeed a very small town, population only about 1,500. But I could sense the presence of cripples all around me because there were birdhouses all around me and when there are so many birdhouses there are usually cripples not far behind. Because making birdhouses seems like the kind of thing they’d probably have small town cripples do. They probably bus them off to a local sheltered workshop every day where they make birdhouses. That seems like a cripple rite of passage. Back when I was a wee criplet, they made me make a birdhouse, only I wasn’t in a sheltered workshop at the time. I was in a rehabilitation center and during my occupational therapy sessions I made a birdhouse. Except my birdhouse wasn’t as artistic and elaborate as the ones that were lined up along the wooden railing of the strip mail that was in the business district of the small town, with various price tags on them. Mine was a wooden box with a round hole in front for entry and a perch that was made out of a Dowell rod, beneath the hole. I painted the house white and the roof and perch red. I never mounted it outside or anything, probably because I feared that if I did I’d be accused of being some kind of bird slumlord. I had a relative who was a small town cripple. He now lives in a bigger town but back when he lived in a small town he didn’t exactly make birdhouses but he did make what looked like ceramic sculptures of horse heads. They looked like giant chess pieces except they came in a wider variety of colors, such as red, blue and yellow. I don’t know what his creative process was, but all of his horse heads looked alike. That made me think that he must’ve poured some stuff into a mold of a horse head until it solidified. And I imagined that there was one of his horse head sculptures on every mantel piece in that small town. It’s easy to lend a helping hand to your local cripples when you live in a small town. All you have to do is keep the local sheltered workshop going strong by purchasing a birdhouse. (Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.) https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH-