Dignity

The protagonist in the television commercial was a man who appeared to be a senior citizen.He stood in a bathroom and forlornly told the audience about how asking his adult son to help him bathe was the hardest thing he ever had to do. But never fear, he said, because he had one of those walk-in bathtubs installed. So now he can continue bathing himself and thus he has his dignity back. I just shook my head and laughed when I heard that and I was glad that I’ve been crippled for too long to internalize that kind of stuff. Otherwise, I might actually start to believe that shit like that could be true and therefore I will forever be without dignity because I cannot (and never will be able to) bathe myself. I guess it never occurred to me that being crippled automatically makes me undignified. I can’t help it. That’s how I was raised. If I’m undignified, it’s for a lot more reasons than that. There are a lot of definitions of the word dignity flying around out there. I stopped looking after I looked up the word seven times because none of the definitions that I found came anywhere close to equating dignity with the ability to bathe yourself. So I guess that I will continue to shake my head and laugh whenever I am assaulted by that commercial, knowing that it’s all a bunch of b.s. that’s designed to sell walk-in bathtubs. Except that on some level it’s not so funny. Some cripples might see that commercial and actually come to believe that dignity can be purchased for the price of a walk-in bathtub (plus installation). And whomever convinced them that that’s how it works can expect to be forgiven in the name of capitalism. Because the most sacred right that we all have is the right to try to make a living, no matter who gets hurt. (Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.) https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH

The Cripple Olympics

As soon as the regular Olympics end, the cripple Olympics begin. Thus, Smart Ass Cripple has been embedded for the last several months with some crippled Olympians who are fervently hoping to bring home gold medals to the U.S.A. Like for instance, there’s Kelly from Ohio, the paraplegic figure skater. She puts ice skates on her feet, puts both her feet back on the foot pedals of her wheelchair and then pushes her wheelchair around all over the rink. Her dazzling moves really wow the spectators, like when she pops wheelies and spins her wheelchair in circles. And when she skates with her partner, Josh, he sits on her lap while she pops wheelies and spins her wheelchair in circles. And then there’s Mark of New Hampshire, the quadriplegic ski jumper. He became a quad when he wiped out ski jumping. But that didn’t stop him from getting right back up on the proverbial horse. These days, one of the uncrippled guys from his entourage pushes Mark out of the chute and he barrels downhill, rapidly gaining speed, until he reaches the cliff. And then he floats through the air in his wheelchair hoping to land on all four wheels. And last but certainly not least there’s Adam from Iowa, the polio pole vaulter. When he was a child, he watched the Olympics on television from his iron lung and dreamed that he would some day be a famous pole vaulter. But polio didn’t stop him from pursuing that dream. Mark, however, is taking a litigious path to Olympic gold. He wants to be in the regular Olympics so he is taking the U.S. Olympic Committee to court in the hopes of getting a judge to declare that excluding people in iron lungs from taking part in the regular Olympics pole vaulting competition violates the Americans with Disabilities Act. Fortunately, pole vaulting is a summer sport so he has time to work on it. (Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.) https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH