Hell or Bust

When I first heard the song Stairway to Heaven, I thought it was a cool song. The lyrics didn’t make much sense to me, but it really rocked. But when I listen to that song today, I have a hard time getting past the title: Stairway to Heaven. Because that means that even heaven is off limits for cripples like me. Because if you have to be able to climb stairs to get in, I ain’t getting in, no matter how hard I try. And I don’t want to hear any of that bull shit about how there aren’t any wheelchairs in heaven. All of those who preside over the funerals of cripples ought to be grateful that those cripples can’t jump up and slap them down when they say stupid shit like, “Now that they are in heaven, they have shed their wheelchair and they are dancing!” I’m insulted when I hear shit like that because it assumes that the first wish that every cripple would make if they had a genie would of course be to not be crippled anymore. And besides, who says that you can’t dance if you’re in a wheelchair? If heaven was in the U.S.A. (as a lot of people wish it was), cripples could probably sue it if indeed you had to climb stairs to get in. Because surely it would qualify as a place of public accommodation under the Americans with Disabilities Act. (If heaven isn’t a place of public accommodation, then what is?) And so heaven would be legally obligated to accommodate cripples that want to get in by installing an elevator or something. Or maybe I should be grateful if there really is a stairway to heaven. Because if that’s the case, I can relax and not worry about always trying to do stuff that’ll get me in. I'll probably be a lot less stressed out if I can just embrace the fact that for cripples like me, it’s Hell or bust. (Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.) https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH