Urinalism

I call the crew of people that I have hired to come to my home and help me do the things everyone has to do (like getting in and out of bed and pissing) my pit crew. I don’t mean that to be derogatory in any way. I am quite fond of all of them. I couldn’t do anything without them. But I don’t know what else to call them. Some people call them PAs, which stands for personal assistants. I suppose that sounds more professional than pit crew member. But it doesn’t get across what they do. A personal assistant sounds like someone who keeps my calendar and schedules my appointments. And that’s hardly what my pit crew members do for me. Pit crew gets it across better because that's sometimes what it feels like to me. I pull into the pit and they hose me down and I get back in the race. When I went to Jerry Lewis cripple summer camp in the 1960s, they called the people that do a lot of the things that my pit crew members do for me today our counselors. But I don’t ever recall going to any of them for counseling. However, I did go to them for many other thing. Giving them the job title of counselor was more of a reflection of the predominant attitude toward cripples in the 1960s than of anything else. Cripples could never be anything other than poor little campers who needed the verts (which is what I call people who walk because it’s short for verticals) to guide us through each day. If I was going to bestow upon my pit crew members some sort of professional-sounding job title, I guess that I would call them urinalists. And if they work for me for long enough, they earn a degree in urinalism. (Please support Smart Ass Cripple and help us keep going. Just click below to contribute.) https://www.paypal.me/smartasscripple?fbclid=IwAR2qrql-UFH19OepgeaCG4WmblyNylb27k2q8eYxXHH