I always thought that there ought to be a game show called Name that Cripple. It would surely become a craze that would sweep the nation.
All we’d have to do is line up three wheelchair cripples right next to each other on a street corner somewhere. The three cripples would be of the same age and race and gender and all so they’d all look pretty much alike. But one would have something like muscular dystrophy would have cerebral palsy and the third would be your standard quadriplegic from a spinal cord injury.
would passersby who are verts (which is what I call people who walk because it’s short for vertical). And vert to play Name that Cripple, s them three cardboard placards placard would be attached a string the vert contestant write something like muscular dystrophy on the placard and hang it around the neck of they be the corresponding cripple.
vert contestant gets all three right, they win a valuable prize, such as a lovely new dining room set from Broyhill. But ever because it never fails that the average vert on the street can’t tell the difference between cripple and an m.d. cripple and a quad.
This always baffles me because if played Name that Cripple be the grand champion. I can identify a cripple’s genre from a mile away. If I was looking down from a helicopter on a field of cripples I could rattle which was which.
I don’t think I can say the same about anything else. If I was looking down from a helicopter on a field of cows, for example, they would all just look like a bunch of cows to me.
But when it comes to cripples, I can look at a parking lot full of empty cars and tell you which car belongs to a cripple and which one doesn’t. Like for instance, if it’s a fancy sports car, it’s probably not a cripple car. I never see cripples driving or even riding around in fancy sports cars, probably because doing so is too much of a pain in the ass, what with the bucket seats and all. Or maybe it’s because fancy sports cars are too expensive for most cripples.
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